Chapter 4
A/N: Lots and lots of reviews, please? Ah, the plot thickens...or congeals, anyway... :P -DL
Leon didn’t see hide nor hair of Caleb for several days. The other man must be really busy at work, he mused to himself on Wednesday as he watered some potted flowers he’d arranged on either side of his apartment door. He glanced over at the closed door across the way, feeling a lance of wistful disappointment flow through him. Even though he couldn’t seem to get Caleb to make a move on him, even spending time with the man was very enjoyable. He would have liked to have had Caleb over for dinner sometime this week, if nothing else.
He turned to go inside, but just then his he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Turning, he saw Caleb emerge into the courtyard from the sidewalk leading to the parking lot. He looked tired and glum. Leon’s heart went out to him. “Hey, Caleb!” he called, waving.
The other man paused, and an expression of reluctance chased over his face before he walked over to where Leon was standing. He felt a small shaft of hurt go through him. Was Caleb avoiding him? Had he done something to alienate the other man? But then Caleb was coming to a halt a few feet away. “Hey, Leon,” he said quietly.
“Hi. You look tired. Long day at work?” Leon asked solicitously, still worried even though he was beginning to wonder if Caleb was deliberately avoiding him.
Caleb nodded wearily. “You could say that, yeah,” he replied. “Long week, really. I just want a bath and to hit the hay.”
“Have you eaten?” Leon said.
Visible hesitation. Then: “No,” Caleb said. “I was just going to throw something together. A sandwich, maybe.”
Even though he was starting to feel both hurt and angry over Caleb’s reactions, Leon lifted his chin. “I made my homemade lasagna for dinner. I always make too much for just myself, so there’s plenty in my fridge. Come inside and I’ll heat up a plate for you,” he said firmly.
Caleb’s mouth twitched a little, but something about Leon’s expression made it clear to him that he didn’t have much choice in the matter. “All right,” he said. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” Leon remarked tartly, opening his door and escorting Caleb inside. “Sit down and pet Felina while I make your food,” he added, bustling away to the kitchen.
Caleb sighed and sat down on the couch, reaching out to run his fingers over the cat’s silky white fur. “Your daddy sure is pushy,” he said softly to her as she began to purr. “That isn’t a good thing, believe me. You see, pretty girl, he’s just my type. In fact, he’s pretty much everything that I look for in a guy. And it doesn’t help that he’s really cute. What am I supposed to do? I can’t let myself get involved with him, I just can’t. My boss would have a fit, and I might lose my job. And I like my job. Well, most of the time, anyway. Any suggestions?”
The cat blinked up at him contentedly, then butted her head gently against his fingers to remind him to keep petting her. “Oh, as long as you’re getting yours to hell with my problems,” Caleb remarked with a rueful smile as he scratched her under the chin. “Some help you are.”
Felina purred loudly in ecstasy, and Leon smiled as he carried a plate out to the little table and set it down. “Food’s ready,” he said.
Caleb rose to his feet, deserting the cat. Felina gave him a dirty look. But he only shrugged. “Sorry, kitty. I’ll pet you some more later,” he said as he walked toward the table.
“Felina really likes you,” Leon said as Caleb sat down.
“Yeah. I guess that’s because I like her. I haven’t had a pet in a long time, but when I did it was a cat. His name was Seymour. He was a cranky thing, but I loved him anyway. I gladly carried the scars of his many scratchings,” he lifted his hand elaborately, and Leon laughed.
He sat silently, watching Caleb eat, until he was almost done. Then Leon lifted his chin and met Caleb’s eyes directly. “Caleb, I’m going to ask you something. And I’d really like it if you gave me an honest answer,” he said.
Caleb stiffened in his chair, but only said: “What is it, Leon?”
“Is there something wrong with me? Did I come on too strong last week? Is that why you’re avoiding me?” Leon asked bluntly.
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Caleb began.
“Then why are you avoiding me? And please don’t tell me that you aren’t, because I’m not stupid,” Leon replied sharply.
Caleb sighed. “No, you aren’t, are you? Okay, I’ve been avoiding you, I admit it?”
“Can you tell me why?” Leon asked, his eyes filling up with hurt.
Caleb flinched. “It’s nothing that you did, Leon. Hell, if anything it’s because you’ve been so nice to me and so friendly that I’ve tried to avoid you these last few days.”
Leon’s brows drew together. “What? Why?”
Caleb scrubbed at his face with his hand. “The truth is, Leon, that I’m very attracted to you,” he began bluntly, making Leon’s mouth open a little. ‘And I don’t want to be.”
“Why not? What’s wrong with that? We’re both single gay men, so why wouldn’t you want to be attracted to me?”
Caleb gathered himself up and prepared to lie once more. He’d never been a glib liar, so this part of his job was often strenuous for him. “It’s because of my last relationship,” he began mournfully, dropping his eyes so that Leon couldn’t see them. “I haven’t told you about it yet because I didn’t want to talk about it. I moved here to get away from my last boyfriend, and to start again. It was an ugly, abusive relationship, not physically abusive but emotionally. It left me with a lot of scars, and made me wary of wanting to get involved with anybody again. It’s not that I don’t want to get involved with you, Leon, it’s just that I can’t trust what I feel right now. Avoiding you was the wrong thing to do, and I’m sorry. I should have told you about this earlier. I could see that you were interested in me, and I was attracted to you too, and I guess I just freaked out. I’m just not ready for another relationship yet. It’s going to take time for me to get over the last one…”
“I understand,” Leon said hurriedly, then reached out to take his hand. He curled his fingers in Caleb’s and squeezed. “I’m sorry that your last relationship was so terrible, Caleb. And we can just be friends. I’ll admit that I really like you, but I like to just spend time with you, too. So how about a friendship? We could hang out together, do stuff together, it never has to become anything more if you don’t want it to…”
“You’re so kind, Leon,” Caleb said truthfully, feeling a twinge of self-disgust lance through him. “Yes, I’d like to be friends with you. I really would. And I’ll stop avoiding you from now on, I swear.”
“Thanks,” Leon said with a sunny smile. “I was starting to feel like a leper or something.”
Caleb’s eyes roamed over him, a look of wistful sadness in their depths. “You’re far from a leper,” he said. “Far too far for my comfort, actually.”
Leon felt his breath catch at that look, but he tamped down his reaction. Caleb needed a friend right now, and by God that was exactly what he was going to get. “Thanks again,” he said briskly, jumping to his feet. “Now for dessert. I have some cherry pie that I made from scratch. Would you like some?”
“That sounds great,” Caleb said, “You’re an excellent cook, Leon.”
He laughed, a touch ruefully. “Well, my mother always said that I’d make some man a really great wife someday…”
Caleb entered his apartment, his stomach full and his mind empty. He stood without moving for a second ,then pulled out his cell phone and checked in. “Yes, Sir, I’m still on him,” he told the voice on the other end of the phone. “But he hasn’t acted suspicious, and there’s still no sign of Callahan. Are we really sure that he’ll try to visit Ferris? Yes, he’s Callahan’s cousin but that doesn’t mean anything.” He listened, then sighed. “Yes, Sir, I understand. I’ll keep watch over him. Yes, I know this is an unparalleled opportunity to catch him. But are you sure that the tip off you got that he was arriving in the U.S. was good? He almost never leaves Ireland, not since the bombing in Dublin.”
He listened some more, then nodded. “Yes, Sir, I understand. I’ll call in again next week if Callahan doesn’t show up here. Goodbye.” he hung up, putting the cell phone back in his pocket. He really wished that Iasan Callahan would show his face either here or somewhere else, because keeping a watch on Leon Ferris was becoming more and more difficult for him. He hated the lies, the holding back, the having to look Leon in the eyes and see the way that the other man felt about him, all the while deceiving Leon about his true intentions and who he actually was…it was all so fucked up. But he still had to do his job, there was no getting around that.
Leon crawled into his bed, settling under his covers with a sigh. “Well, Felina, at least we get to be friends,” he told the cat who had jumped up on the bed and was lightly kneading his covers. “And he doesn’t hate me. I’m glad about that. I was starting to think there was something really wrong with me. But it turns out that he just got out of a really bad relationship. Poor guy,” he stroked her silky white hair, then tugged her tail very gently. “It must have been bad, to put him off of dating like that. I’m glad that my break-up wasn’t horrible like that. I wish that we could be more than friends, but I’m willing to settle for friendship. And he’ll come over here more and pet you, Felina. You’ll like that, right?”
The cat meowed softly and lay down on his lap. He smiled and scratched behind her ears. “Friends is good,” he mused. “Maybe not as good as other things, but friends is still good. We can live with just being friends, can’t we, baby?”
The cat rubbed herself against him lovingly, her purring filling the bedroom. Leon fell asleep to that sound, lulled by it more surely than he would have been by an actual lullaby. And if he had some torrid dreams about a naked Caleb and a vat of jell-o, well…those were just dreams, weren’t they?
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A/N: Lots and lots of reviews, please? Ah, the plot thickens...or congeals, anyway... :P -DL
Leon didn’t see hide nor hair of Caleb for several days. The other man must be really busy at work, he mused to himself on Wednesday as he watered some potted flowers he’d arranged on either side of his apartment door. He glanced over at the closed door across the way, feeling a lance of wistful disappointment flow through him. Even though he couldn’t seem to get Caleb to make a move on him, even spending time with the man was very enjoyable. He would have liked to have had Caleb over for dinner sometime this week, if nothing else.
He turned to go inside, but just then his he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Turning, he saw Caleb emerge into the courtyard from the sidewalk leading to the parking lot. He looked tired and glum. Leon’s heart went out to him. “Hey, Caleb!” he called, waving.
The other man paused, and an expression of reluctance chased over his face before he walked over to where Leon was standing. He felt a small shaft of hurt go through him. Was Caleb avoiding him? Had he done something to alienate the other man? But then Caleb was coming to a halt a few feet away. “Hey, Leon,” he said quietly.
“Hi. You look tired. Long day at work?” Leon asked solicitously, still worried even though he was beginning to wonder if Caleb was deliberately avoiding him.
Caleb nodded wearily. “You could say that, yeah,” he replied. “Long week, really. I just want a bath and to hit the hay.”
“Have you eaten?” Leon said.
Visible hesitation. Then: “No,” Caleb said. “I was just going to throw something together. A sandwich, maybe.”
Even though he was starting to feel both hurt and angry over Caleb’s reactions, Leon lifted his chin. “I made my homemade lasagna for dinner. I always make too much for just myself, so there’s plenty in my fridge. Come inside and I’ll heat up a plate for you,” he said firmly.
Caleb’s mouth twitched a little, but something about Leon’s expression made it clear to him that he didn’t have much choice in the matter. “All right,” he said. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” Leon remarked tartly, opening his door and escorting Caleb inside. “Sit down and pet Felina while I make your food,” he added, bustling away to the kitchen.
Caleb sighed and sat down on the couch, reaching out to run his fingers over the cat’s silky white fur. “Your daddy sure is pushy,” he said softly to her as she began to purr. “That isn’t a good thing, believe me. You see, pretty girl, he’s just my type. In fact, he’s pretty much everything that I look for in a guy. And it doesn’t help that he’s really cute. What am I supposed to do? I can’t let myself get involved with him, I just can’t. My boss would have a fit, and I might lose my job. And I like my job. Well, most of the time, anyway. Any suggestions?”
The cat blinked up at him contentedly, then butted her head gently against his fingers to remind him to keep petting her. “Oh, as long as you’re getting yours to hell with my problems,” Caleb remarked with a rueful smile as he scratched her under the chin. “Some help you are.”
Felina purred loudly in ecstasy, and Leon smiled as he carried a plate out to the little table and set it down. “Food’s ready,” he said.
Caleb rose to his feet, deserting the cat. Felina gave him a dirty look. But he only shrugged. “Sorry, kitty. I’ll pet you some more later,” he said as he walked toward the table.
“Felina really likes you,” Leon said as Caleb sat down.
“Yeah. I guess that’s because I like her. I haven’t had a pet in a long time, but when I did it was a cat. His name was Seymour. He was a cranky thing, but I loved him anyway. I gladly carried the scars of his many scratchings,” he lifted his hand elaborately, and Leon laughed.
He sat silently, watching Caleb eat, until he was almost done. Then Leon lifted his chin and met Caleb’s eyes directly. “Caleb, I’m going to ask you something. And I’d really like it if you gave me an honest answer,” he said.
Caleb stiffened in his chair, but only said: “What is it, Leon?”
“Is there something wrong with me? Did I come on too strong last week? Is that why you’re avoiding me?” Leon asked bluntly.
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Caleb began.
“Then why are you avoiding me? And please don’t tell me that you aren’t, because I’m not stupid,” Leon replied sharply.
Caleb sighed. “No, you aren’t, are you? Okay, I’ve been avoiding you, I admit it?”
“Can you tell me why?” Leon asked, his eyes filling up with hurt.
Caleb flinched. “It’s nothing that you did, Leon. Hell, if anything it’s because you’ve been so nice to me and so friendly that I’ve tried to avoid you these last few days.”
Leon’s brows drew together. “What? Why?”
Caleb scrubbed at his face with his hand. “The truth is, Leon, that I’m very attracted to you,” he began bluntly, making Leon’s mouth open a little. ‘And I don’t want to be.”
“Why not? What’s wrong with that? We’re both single gay men, so why wouldn’t you want to be attracted to me?”
Caleb gathered himself up and prepared to lie once more. He’d never been a glib liar, so this part of his job was often strenuous for him. “It’s because of my last relationship,” he began mournfully, dropping his eyes so that Leon couldn’t see them. “I haven’t told you about it yet because I didn’t want to talk about it. I moved here to get away from my last boyfriend, and to start again. It was an ugly, abusive relationship, not physically abusive but emotionally. It left me with a lot of scars, and made me wary of wanting to get involved with anybody again. It’s not that I don’t want to get involved with you, Leon, it’s just that I can’t trust what I feel right now. Avoiding you was the wrong thing to do, and I’m sorry. I should have told you about this earlier. I could see that you were interested in me, and I was attracted to you too, and I guess I just freaked out. I’m just not ready for another relationship yet. It’s going to take time for me to get over the last one…”
“I understand,” Leon said hurriedly, then reached out to take his hand. He curled his fingers in Caleb’s and squeezed. “I’m sorry that your last relationship was so terrible, Caleb. And we can just be friends. I’ll admit that I really like you, but I like to just spend time with you, too. So how about a friendship? We could hang out together, do stuff together, it never has to become anything more if you don’t want it to…”
“You’re so kind, Leon,” Caleb said truthfully, feeling a twinge of self-disgust lance through him. “Yes, I’d like to be friends with you. I really would. And I’ll stop avoiding you from now on, I swear.”
“Thanks,” Leon said with a sunny smile. “I was starting to feel like a leper or something.”
Caleb’s eyes roamed over him, a look of wistful sadness in their depths. “You’re far from a leper,” he said. “Far too far for my comfort, actually.”
Leon felt his breath catch at that look, but he tamped down his reaction. Caleb needed a friend right now, and by God that was exactly what he was going to get. “Thanks again,” he said briskly, jumping to his feet. “Now for dessert. I have some cherry pie that I made from scratch. Would you like some?”
“That sounds great,” Caleb said, “You’re an excellent cook, Leon.”
He laughed, a touch ruefully. “Well, my mother always said that I’d make some man a really great wife someday…”
Caleb entered his apartment, his stomach full and his mind empty. He stood without moving for a second ,then pulled out his cell phone and checked in. “Yes, Sir, I’m still on him,” he told the voice on the other end of the phone. “But he hasn’t acted suspicious, and there’s still no sign of Callahan. Are we really sure that he’ll try to visit Ferris? Yes, he’s Callahan’s cousin but that doesn’t mean anything.” He listened, then sighed. “Yes, Sir, I understand. I’ll keep watch over him. Yes, I know this is an unparalleled opportunity to catch him. But are you sure that the tip off you got that he was arriving in the U.S. was good? He almost never leaves Ireland, not since the bombing in Dublin.”
He listened some more, then nodded. “Yes, Sir, I understand. I’ll call in again next week if Callahan doesn’t show up here. Goodbye.” he hung up, putting the cell phone back in his pocket. He really wished that Iasan Callahan would show his face either here or somewhere else, because keeping a watch on Leon Ferris was becoming more and more difficult for him. He hated the lies, the holding back, the having to look Leon in the eyes and see the way that the other man felt about him, all the while deceiving Leon about his true intentions and who he actually was…it was all so fucked up. But he still had to do his job, there was no getting around that.
Leon crawled into his bed, settling under his covers with a sigh. “Well, Felina, at least we get to be friends,” he told the cat who had jumped up on the bed and was lightly kneading his covers. “And he doesn’t hate me. I’m glad about that. I was starting to think there was something really wrong with me. But it turns out that he just got out of a really bad relationship. Poor guy,” he stroked her silky white hair, then tugged her tail very gently. “It must have been bad, to put him off of dating like that. I’m glad that my break-up wasn’t horrible like that. I wish that we could be more than friends, but I’m willing to settle for friendship. And he’ll come over here more and pet you, Felina. You’ll like that, right?”
The cat meowed softly and lay down on his lap. He smiled and scratched behind her ears. “Friends is good,” he mused. “Maybe not as good as other things, but friends is still good. We can live with just being friends, can’t we, baby?”
The cat rubbed herself against him lovingly, her purring filling the bedroom. Leon fell asleep to that sound, lulled by it more surely than he would have been by an actual lullaby. And if he had some torrid dreams about a naked Caleb and a vat of jell-o, well…those were just dreams, weren’t they?
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