A/N: As requested, here's the next chapter. Things are heating up for our boys! Anybody want to read the next chapter? Let me know! -DL
Chapter 13
Ricky sat at a table in the Mexican restaurant, trying hard not to fidget. His eyes kept darting here and there, as he worried that the other patrons of the establishment would figure out that he and James were here on a date. Not that there was much chance of that, really...the cop was sitting across from him, and they were talking mostly about 'manly' things like sports and cars and fishing. They weren't holding hands, or gazing into each others' eyes, or saying lovely-dovey stuff to each other. To other people, they probably just looked like two guy friends hanging out together.
His paranoia was stupid; Ricky knew that. It wasn't like there was much chance of them running into any of his friends from his old life, or(God forbid!)his father! But it also made him uncomfortable that he was out on a date in public with another guy. He still wasn't used to this whole 'I'm bi-sexual' thing yet. And coming from the kind of life that he'd had before, it was even worse for him. Going from homophobe to a person who wanted to date another man was a rocky transition. He just hoped that James would continue to be patient with him as he adjusted to all of this.
So far, James had been incredibly patient. Usually, Ricky went over to his house to hang out after work, and those evenings had each counted as one date. They hadn't progressed very far yet in the intimacy department; while James always gave him a gentle 'goodnight' kiss on the porch before he left, the cop made no other move to touch him. Ricky was so grateful for his kindness and understanding that it almost made him want to weep. That's why he'd agreed to come out on a more public date tonight with James. But unfortunately, he couldn't stop himself from being anxious and jumpy.
"Ricky," James said.
He jumped, his eyes flying to the cop's face. James was staring at him seriously across the table. "We can leave if you want to, Ricky," he went on quietly.
"Oh...no..." he said. "I...It's just..."
"You're nervous about being out in public with me, " James finished for him.
He nodded miserably. "I'm sorry," he said hopelessly.
James shook his head. "There's nothing to be sorry for, Ricky. I told you when we started this that we'd go at your pace. If it really bothers you to be out in public with me, we'll go."
He felt a spurt of warmth run through him. "No," he repeated, shaking his head. "We can stay. I have to get over this sometime, don't I? If we're going to keep on...dating?"
"Yes, that's true," James agreed. "Because while I agreed to go at your pace, I want you to understand that I won't be willing to keep our relationship secret forever, Ricky. I don't work that way."
"I get that," he replied. His fingers twined together in front of him on the tabletop. "I really do. I just..."
"Slow and easy, Ricky. No worries," James said gently. "I won't push it, I promise. But if you're okay with staying, what do you want to eat?"
He finally relaxed after that, and they talked as they ate. As they left the restaurant, James said to him: "You did a good job, Ricky. You didn't run away or wig out. I think we've made some important progress tonight. I'm proud of you."
He took in a deep, shuddering breath. "Thanks," he said. "I'm trying really hard."
James' hand briefly touched his shoulder. "I know you are. This is difficult for you. That you're trying at all means a lot to me."
When they got into Ricky's car, James was silent for a while. Then he spoke: "Ricky, I just wanted to tell you that I'm going back to work in a few days."
His fingers tightened on the steering wheel until they turned white. "Oh," he said in a small voice.
"I'm a cop, Ricky," James said quietly. "That's something you're going to have to accept if you want to date me. I can't change who I am."
"I know," he said, his throat tightening a little. "It's just...I'm scared."
"I get that. The first time you ever saw me was when I got shot at the bank. My job can be dangerous, I admit that. But I love doing it. Just like you love what you do. Would you want to do something else, even if it got a little dangerous sometimes?"
Ricky thought about that as he drove. "No," he admitted after awhile. "Probably not. But is it okay if I worry?"
"Yes, it's totally okay if you worry about me. I get why you would, and it actually makes me feel pretty good that you care enough about me to worry about me."
Ricky felt his cheeks heat a little. "If you're going back to work, what about us?" he asked aloud after a moment.
"I work a morning shift, so my going back to work won't affect our dates. I'll mostly be home before you get off of work yourself. You can still come and hang out with me in the evenings whenever you want to."
He liked the sound of that. He wasn't ready for all of their dates to be out in public just yet. While this one had been successful, his nervousness and anxiety about being out in public with James on a date had been pretty bad. He could maybe do that once a week for now, but not more often. Not just yet, not until he started to feel more confident about the whole thing.
He pulled up in front of James' house. "Do you want to come in?" the cop asked him.
"Uh, no. Not tonight. I have to go in early to work tomorrow to do some promos."
"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow, then," James leaned over and captured his lips in a gentle kiss.
Ricky gasped a little as he pulled back. He wished that he were courageous enough to lean over himself and ask for more, but he wasn't. He drew in a shuddering breath. "Goodnight, James," he said in a voice that shook only a little.
The cop smiled at him and got out of his car. Ricky drove away, feeling unhappy about having to do so. He wanted to stay with James. He wanted to hang out on the couch with him, maybe watch some sports, drink some beer...and maybe, after he was pleasantly buzzed and relaxed, lean over and do what he really wanted to do. Silently ask for James to kiss him, to really kiss him, not a gentle touching of lips but some real, full-blown making out. Lips and teeth and tongues, breaths mingling, swapping spit, trying to swallow each other's faces...
He shivered, aware of the press of an erection against the crotch of his pants. His cock was so hard that it hurt. He'd definitely have to masturbate as soon as he got home. Not that that was very fulfilling, but right now it was all that he had. If only he had more courage, but he was still too scared to make the first move. And James wouldn't make that move, because he was going at Ricky's pace and letting him decide when and how they would progress in their relationship. Ricky wished rather wistfully that he weren't so considerate; it would be nice to just be taken by storm. To not have to make any moves or decisions, to just let James take the lead...
He sighed. he supposed that he really wanted James to take charge because then he could blame the cop wholly for everything. He wouldn't have to admit, even to himself, that he'd 'turned gay', that he was a faggot now. No, it was all that horrible homosexual's fault! He seduced me! But it didn't work that way. This had nothing to do with James and everything to do with him. He was attracted to another man. That was all there was to it. He had to accept it, and decide whether he was ready to go farther than they had so far.
Ricky had the sneaking suspicion that his dick might make the decision for him. Because it was becoming decidedly unruly over the fact that he was getting soft kisses from the guy he was attracted to, but nothing else. Being close to James and not getting anything other than those goodnight kisses...it was starting to drive him crazy. He wanted more, much more. But he had to overcome his fears if he wanted to get that 'much more'.
He tossed and turned in bed that night, feeling restless and totally horny. His mind went back to that porn video he'd seen, the one that had had the bisexual guy who'd looked just like James in it. Visions of that man fucking the other guy relentlessly danced through his head, making his restlessness worse.
He finally got up and went into the bathroom to jerk off again, feeling frustrated. He stared at his own haunted face in the mirror above the sink. He was scared of going any farther with James because the thought of taking it up the ass...it would hurt, wouldn't it? And be icky, and he'd be just like a woman...But if he could never get behind the idea of doing so, would he and James ever get any farther? And the cop would eventually become frustrated and irritated with him, and move on. He didn't want that. He definitely didn't want that! Even the thought of James being with another guy made his stomach clench inside of him in anger and distress.
He realized suddenly that he HAD to talk to James about this. About his fears, and how they were holding him back. He knew that the cop would listen and understand, and maybe be able to give him some good advice. he weans a gay man, after all; he should be able to help a confused, budding bisexual.
He felt better immediately after coming to this decision. He cleaned himself up and went back to bed, and fell asleep quickly after that. He'd talk to James when he went over to his house tonight, and who knew what might happen afterward?
His dreams that night were intensely erotic, and every one of them involved a certain police officer. Well, actually, one of them involved both James and the porn star look-alike of him, both of them working dream-Ricky over until he was a shuddering pile of mush...
He awoke with a gasp, sitting up in bed covered in sweat. He groaned as he covered his face with his hands. Every night it got worse! If he didn’t do something soon, he was going to explode in his sleep. He was sure of it. He DEFINITELY had to talk to James today, whether he liked it or not..
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Chapter 13
Ricky sat at a table in the Mexican restaurant, trying hard not to fidget. His eyes kept darting here and there, as he worried that the other patrons of the establishment would figure out that he and James were here on a date. Not that there was much chance of that, really...the cop was sitting across from him, and they were talking mostly about 'manly' things like sports and cars and fishing. They weren't holding hands, or gazing into each others' eyes, or saying lovely-dovey stuff to each other. To other people, they probably just looked like two guy friends hanging out together.
His paranoia was stupid; Ricky knew that. It wasn't like there was much chance of them running into any of his friends from his old life, or(God forbid!)his father! But it also made him uncomfortable that he was out on a date in public with another guy. He still wasn't used to this whole 'I'm bi-sexual' thing yet. And coming from the kind of life that he'd had before, it was even worse for him. Going from homophobe to a person who wanted to date another man was a rocky transition. He just hoped that James would continue to be patient with him as he adjusted to all of this.
So far, James had been incredibly patient. Usually, Ricky went over to his house to hang out after work, and those evenings had each counted as one date. They hadn't progressed very far yet in the intimacy department; while James always gave him a gentle 'goodnight' kiss on the porch before he left, the cop made no other move to touch him. Ricky was so grateful for his kindness and understanding that it almost made him want to weep. That's why he'd agreed to come out on a more public date tonight with James. But unfortunately, he couldn't stop himself from being anxious and jumpy.
"Ricky," James said.
He jumped, his eyes flying to the cop's face. James was staring at him seriously across the table. "We can leave if you want to, Ricky," he went on quietly.
"Oh...no..." he said. "I...It's just..."
"You're nervous about being out in public with me, " James finished for him.
He nodded miserably. "I'm sorry," he said hopelessly.
James shook his head. "There's nothing to be sorry for, Ricky. I told you when we started this that we'd go at your pace. If it really bothers you to be out in public with me, we'll go."
He felt a spurt of warmth run through him. "No," he repeated, shaking his head. "We can stay. I have to get over this sometime, don't I? If we're going to keep on...dating?"
"Yes, that's true," James agreed. "Because while I agreed to go at your pace, I want you to understand that I won't be willing to keep our relationship secret forever, Ricky. I don't work that way."
"I get that," he replied. His fingers twined together in front of him on the tabletop. "I really do. I just..."
"Slow and easy, Ricky. No worries," James said gently. "I won't push it, I promise. But if you're okay with staying, what do you want to eat?"
He finally relaxed after that, and they talked as they ate. As they left the restaurant, James said to him: "You did a good job, Ricky. You didn't run away or wig out. I think we've made some important progress tonight. I'm proud of you."
He took in a deep, shuddering breath. "Thanks," he said. "I'm trying really hard."
James' hand briefly touched his shoulder. "I know you are. This is difficult for you. That you're trying at all means a lot to me."
When they got into Ricky's car, James was silent for a while. Then he spoke: "Ricky, I just wanted to tell you that I'm going back to work in a few days."
His fingers tightened on the steering wheel until they turned white. "Oh," he said in a small voice.
"I'm a cop, Ricky," James said quietly. "That's something you're going to have to accept if you want to date me. I can't change who I am."
"I know," he said, his throat tightening a little. "It's just...I'm scared."
"I get that. The first time you ever saw me was when I got shot at the bank. My job can be dangerous, I admit that. But I love doing it. Just like you love what you do. Would you want to do something else, even if it got a little dangerous sometimes?"
Ricky thought about that as he drove. "No," he admitted after awhile. "Probably not. But is it okay if I worry?"
"Yes, it's totally okay if you worry about me. I get why you would, and it actually makes me feel pretty good that you care enough about me to worry about me."
Ricky felt his cheeks heat a little. "If you're going back to work, what about us?" he asked aloud after a moment.
"I work a morning shift, so my going back to work won't affect our dates. I'll mostly be home before you get off of work yourself. You can still come and hang out with me in the evenings whenever you want to."
He liked the sound of that. He wasn't ready for all of their dates to be out in public just yet. While this one had been successful, his nervousness and anxiety about being out in public with James on a date had been pretty bad. He could maybe do that once a week for now, but not more often. Not just yet, not until he started to feel more confident about the whole thing.
He pulled up in front of James' house. "Do you want to come in?" the cop asked him.
"Uh, no. Not tonight. I have to go in early to work tomorrow to do some promos."
"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow, then," James leaned over and captured his lips in a gentle kiss.
Ricky gasped a little as he pulled back. He wished that he were courageous enough to lean over himself and ask for more, but he wasn't. He drew in a shuddering breath. "Goodnight, James," he said in a voice that shook only a little.
The cop smiled at him and got out of his car. Ricky drove away, feeling unhappy about having to do so. He wanted to stay with James. He wanted to hang out on the couch with him, maybe watch some sports, drink some beer...and maybe, after he was pleasantly buzzed and relaxed, lean over and do what he really wanted to do. Silently ask for James to kiss him, to really kiss him, not a gentle touching of lips but some real, full-blown making out. Lips and teeth and tongues, breaths mingling, swapping spit, trying to swallow each other's faces...
He shivered, aware of the press of an erection against the crotch of his pants. His cock was so hard that it hurt. He'd definitely have to masturbate as soon as he got home. Not that that was very fulfilling, but right now it was all that he had. If only he had more courage, but he was still too scared to make the first move. And James wouldn't make that move, because he was going at Ricky's pace and letting him decide when and how they would progress in their relationship. Ricky wished rather wistfully that he weren't so considerate; it would be nice to just be taken by storm. To not have to make any moves or decisions, to just let James take the lead...
He sighed. he supposed that he really wanted James to take charge because then he could blame the cop wholly for everything. He wouldn't have to admit, even to himself, that he'd 'turned gay', that he was a faggot now. No, it was all that horrible homosexual's fault! He seduced me! But it didn't work that way. This had nothing to do with James and everything to do with him. He was attracted to another man. That was all there was to it. He had to accept it, and decide whether he was ready to go farther than they had so far.
Ricky had the sneaking suspicion that his dick might make the decision for him. Because it was becoming decidedly unruly over the fact that he was getting soft kisses from the guy he was attracted to, but nothing else. Being close to James and not getting anything other than those goodnight kisses...it was starting to drive him crazy. He wanted more, much more. But he had to overcome his fears if he wanted to get that 'much more'.
He tossed and turned in bed that night, feeling restless and totally horny. His mind went back to that porn video he'd seen, the one that had had the bisexual guy who'd looked just like James in it. Visions of that man fucking the other guy relentlessly danced through his head, making his restlessness worse.
He finally got up and went into the bathroom to jerk off again, feeling frustrated. He stared at his own haunted face in the mirror above the sink. He was scared of going any farther with James because the thought of taking it up the ass...it would hurt, wouldn't it? And be icky, and he'd be just like a woman...But if he could never get behind the idea of doing so, would he and James ever get any farther? And the cop would eventually become frustrated and irritated with him, and move on. He didn't want that. He definitely didn't want that! Even the thought of James being with another guy made his stomach clench inside of him in anger and distress.
He realized suddenly that he HAD to talk to James about this. About his fears, and how they were holding him back. He knew that the cop would listen and understand, and maybe be able to give him some good advice. he weans a gay man, after all; he should be able to help a confused, budding bisexual.
He felt better immediately after coming to this decision. He cleaned himself up and went back to bed, and fell asleep quickly after that. He'd talk to James when he went over to his house tonight, and who knew what might happen afterward?
His dreams that night were intensely erotic, and every one of them involved a certain police officer. Well, actually, one of them involved both James and the porn star look-alike of him, both of them working dream-Ricky over until he was a shuddering pile of mush...
He awoke with a gasp, sitting up in bed covered in sweat. He groaned as he covered his face with his hands. Every night it got worse! If he didn’t do something soon, he was going to explode in his sleep. He was sure of it. He DEFINITELY had to talk to James today, whether he liked it or not..
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