Chapter 2
Eli stood in the doorway of his bedroom and watched David pack, his heart sinking toward his stomach. He'd never imagined that it would come to this, especially after only six months together. “Dave,” he croaked. “Just tell me...why?”
David stopped what he was doing and turned a sober, sad face toward Eli. “Because it's the right thing to do, Eli,” he said softly. “Although I know you don't agree with me just yet, if you think about it you'll have to in the end. This...us...it just isn't working out,” he added, waving a hand first at himself and then at Eli.
The agent balled his hands into fists at his sides. “How can you say that!” he cried. “I thought we were really good together!”
“On the surface, yes,” David sighed, sitting down on the bed as though the energy was going out of his legs. “We seemed totally compatible. But the thing is, Eli – I still like you, I care for you – but I don't...I'm not in love with you. I thought at first, when I met you, that my feelings would deepen into love over time. But they never did. And it's not fair to either of us to just go on pretending that it ever will. Eventually we'd break up anyway, and it would be a lot more bitter than if I just walk away now while we still have the option it be friends. And I hope that we'll be friends when we've both worked through our feelings about this. Because if I feel any love for you at all, it's a friendship type of love.” he looked up into Eli's eyes, his own gaze sad but determined. “Maybe we're just too much alike in the wrong ways,” he went on. “I don't know. But what I do know is that this will hurt us both less than it would if we stayed together until the bitter end. And I want you to be happy, Eli. Really happy, with someone who loves you madly. You deserve that. We both do.”
Eli walked over and sank down next to him on the bed. “You won't change your mind?” he asked hopelessly.
David reached out and gently touched his hair. “No, Eli. I can't. Once you've had some time to think about, I know that you'll realize that I'm right. You don't want to settle for a relationship with someone who likes you but doesn't really love you. Not in the right way, not in the way you deserve to be loved. You need to hold out for something better, Eli. And so do I. Just remember, I'll always be there for you when you're ready to talk. I'll never stop caring about you,” he kissed Eli's temple, his lips soft and warm.
He clenched his teeth to hold in a sob. “Do you have to be so goddamned reasonable about all of this?” he husked, blinking rapidly to keep the tears from falling.
David smiled sadly. “You'd prefer screaming and bloodletting?”
He shook his head. “No, but screaming might make me feel better.”
“Then scream, Eli. Scream at me all you want. You deserve to be able to do that, since I'm the one breaking this off.”
Eli snorted, rubbing at the back of his head with one hand. “I can't do it while you're being like this,” he said in exasperation. “Couldn't you be a little less caring and more of an asshole?”
“I could give it a try, just for you,” David said.
“Oh, fuck, never mind,” the agent muttered in disgust. “You wouldn't be any good at it anyway. I'll just have to live,” he drew in a trembling breath. “I really wish...that this had worked out,” he added tiredly.
“So do I,” David replied. “When I met you, I really thought that you could be the one. There's nothing more exciting than that feeling that you've found the love of your life. And there are only a few things worse than realizing that you were wrong,” he continued glumly.
Eli rubbed at his eyes. “Yeah,” he agreed. “But I'll always have you as a friend, right?”
“Always,” David agreed. “And I think that we'll be the very best of friends once we've worked through this. It's just the getting there part that's going to suck. Because we'll both have to do that on our own. But when you finally do, give me a call. We'll go out to lunch, catch up, and hopefully have new relationships to discuss.” he rose to his feet, walking over to pick up his suitcase. “Goodbye, Eli. I'm so sorry things turned out this way, but I'm not sorry that I met you. This has been a pretty good six months. I hope you'll call me soon.” He left then, without looking back. Probably because if he did, he was afraid that he'd break down and cry or decide to stay because of the pain he was causing Eli.
The agent sat on his bed and watched his (now former)lover walk out the door. He felt numb. He couldn't believe that this was happening to him! Everything seemed to have been going so well...except that lately, David had been kind of distant. Eli had just thought that he might be having problems at work, not with their relationship. He admitted to himself that there had been a couple of times when David had tried to tentatively broach the subject, but that he'd always shrugged off these attempts. Maybe because his subconscious had been telling him that this was something he REALLY didn't want to discuss with David. And now...now, he had no choice but to face it, since David had taken matters into his own hands and had just walked out the door.
It hurt. It hurt to know that his lover didn't love him. Or didn't love him enough, anyway. He'd truly thought that David was the one, just as David had thought the same thing when they'd first met. Okay, it had never been as passionate a relationship as he'd hoped for, and neither of them had ever really said: 'I love you' to the other...but it had been...oh, God, comfortable. Was that all it had been? Had David been the equivalent of a broken-in pair of slippers for him? If that were so, no wonder his lover had left. And he suspected that he'd be grateful to David in the future for breaking it off so gently but thoroughly at this early stage, before it had devolved into recrimination, bitterness, and hate. But for now, he was going to break down and mourn for a 'might have been' relationship that would never quite be...
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