A/N: Happy Labor Day! :) How about rewarding your author for her labors with some reviews? :P -Dl
Chapter 12
James was so startled by this sudden kiss that he didn't move for a moment. And then, when he could have disengaged, he had to admit that he was enjoying Ricky's frantic, urgent kissing too much to pull away. So for almost a minute he allowed it to go on, and even returned it. His hands cradled Ricky's waist, and he felt his body surge as Ricky's soft moans reached his ears. He even felt the unholy urge to push Ricky down on the couch and seduce him right here and now. He knew that he could do it; all he had to do was get Ricky to stop thinking about anything. Once it was his body doing the thinking for him, all of his objections would disappear.
But he couldn't. He knew that while it would bring him great pleasure now, the guilt that Ricky would feel afterward would mess him up even more. And he might run away from James as far and as fast as he could, never to return. it wasn't worth it. So he sighed and gently untangled them at last, pushing Ricky away. It didn't help to see those kiss-swollen lips or the hazy eyes, but the tears staining Ricky's cheeks did. "Ricky," he said in a low voice. "What was that for?"
Ricky flinched visibly. "I'm sorry," he whimpered.
"For what?" James asked, making him blink.
"For kissing you! I shouldn't have done that!" Ricky wailed.
James shook his head. "While I don't know why you did it, I'm not objecting to it happening," he said.
Ricky was visibly quivering. "I couldn't help myself," he whispered. "I just COULDN'T! I don't know why...I've always liked girls...I don't know what's happening to me..."
"It's okay, Ricky. It really is," James said soothingly.
Ricky shook his head violently. Then he burst into tears again, his shoulders heaving. James immediately took Ricky in his arms, cradling the back of his head with one large hand and massaging the muscles tenderly. "It's all right, Ricky. Cry it out," he said into the other man's ear.
Ricky sobbed, held in James' strong arms, and afterward he felt spent and empty but also better. He slumped in James' grip, feeling safe and protected and taken care of. All of his misery and confusion seemed to have flowed away. It was as though he belonged here, in this man's arms. He could have stayed here forever.
But he couldn't do that. At last he stirred, lifting his head a bit. "I'm sorry," he said hoarsely.
"There's nothing to be sorry for, Ricky," James assured him calmly. "If it helps, I really enjoyed that kiss," he added.
Ricky's eyes went wide. James' lips twitched a bit at the expression on his face. It was just too adorable. "Y-You DID?!" Ricky squeaked.
James nodded. "Yeah. I was pleasantly surprised. I'll admit that I've started to feel more than a bit of attraction toward you, but I wasn't going to do anything about it because you're straight. Maybe not as straight as I thought, though," he went on thoughtfully.
Ricky blushed pink, a decidedly sexy sight. "I've always been straight," he breathed helplessly. "I never thought that I...but then, the last few weeks, I've felt...I'm scared," he said miserably.
"It's all right to be scared. But I hope you won't let fear get in the way of what you really want, Ricky. Whatever that may be," James said soberly.
He twitched. "I don't want to let fear rule me," Ricky said. "I used to let hate rule me, and I know that the underlying cause of hate is most often fear. I learned that in college," he told James. "I just never applied it to myself. But I don't want to let fear stop me anymore, or ruin my life. So..." he looked up into James' eyes, as though searching for something there. "I don't know what to do here," he said helplessly. "What should I do, James?"
"Well, you've got two choices, here, Ricky," the cop replied quietly, his eyes serious. "You can ignore what you feel, and we can just go on being friends. We'll pretend this never happened. That won't be easy, but we can both do it if that's what you really want. Or you can decide that you want to see where this might go, and we could maybe try dating or something. It's all up to you, Ricky. You're the one who has to try to deal with an entirely new situation, so I'll do whatever you want to do."
Ricky made nervous gestures with his hands. He could just ask James to go back to being friends, and this whole incident could be forgotten. That sounded so good! But could he actually do that? Being around James, hanging with him day after day, would he be able to control himself? That kiss had been...amazing. He'd never had a kiss like that before, and his whole body had felt like it was on fire. Could he really give that up entirely? Could he be around James and NOT want to kiss him or be touched by him?
"If we...tried dating..." he began timidly, "Could we...take it slow? I mean..."
"We can go as fast or as slow as you want, Ricky," James told him. "We could just hang around together like we have been so far, but we could consider those dates. And as for the intimate stuff, I'll wait patiently and let you decide when you're ready to initiate it. It'll all be up to you."
Ricky felt happiness and relief well up in him. James was so wonderful! "I'd like that," he said. "Thank you so much, James."
James smiled slightly. "You're welcome, Ricky. But the truth is, I'm willing to go at whatever pace you want because I know that there's no other way that we'd be able to get together. You're a former homophobe who's always been straight, who's having feelings for another guy for the first time. Of course that's going to be complicated. Taking it slow is a good idea for both of us in this situation. In fact, how about we finish watching the game and call that our first date? No kissing required," he added teasingly.
Ricky blushed a little, but he smiled as well. "I'd like that," he said shyly.
An hour later, Ricky sat back in his seat and glanced over at James. The cop was intently watching the screen, his whole body hunched as he willed the players on silently. It still made Ricky feel bemused to realize that he was actually sort of on a date with James - even if it was the most casual, laid-back date that he'd ever been on. They really were just hanging out together, and the extra tension caused by the kiss(Oh, God, he couldn't believe that he'd actually done that!) had leaked away. Now he felt relaxed and happy. Sure, he was dating another man. Dear Lord, he was dating another man! Whenever he thought about it he got tense and anxious, so he'd decided to sort of go with the flow and not think about it too much.
He also wasn't going to think about the complications this would bring to his life. If his father ever found out...oh, shit, he couldn't even think about that! But he also didn't want to think about his mother finding out, or any of his old friends. He'd have to keep his old life and his new separated from now on, which wasn't always going to be easy.
But he could do it. And he would. It might be wrong for him to want to date another guy, but if it was wrong Ricky had decided that he didn't want to be right. James was such an amazing person - how could he not want to be with him, even if James were another man? It might have helped a lot if the cop were a woman, but he wasn't. And Ricky just had to deal with that fact. And keep those who WOULDN'T be able to deal with it from ever finding out the truth...
He took a swig of his beer, deciding to put this all out of his mind for now. He wasn't going to worry too much over what might happen. The future would take care of itself. Right now there was only the present, and James. And that was definitely enough for Ricky.
Later, after the game was over, they stood on James' porch together. The cop had come out to say goodnight to him. Ricky looked up at James, studying the masculinely-handsome face. "I had a great time," he said sincerely.
"Me, too," James replied with a smile. "Best date I've ever been on, in fact. It's nice to be with a guy who likes sports."
Ricky found himself laughing a little. "You can't be the only gay guy who likes sports," he remarked in disbelief.
"No, I’m sure that I'm not. But all of the guys that I’ve dated either hated sports or were indifferent to them. I hadn't realized before this how much that frustrated me. It's kind of important to have some things in common with whoever you date, don't you think? I mean, not everything. Nobody wants to date a carbon copy of themselves. But if you have nothing in common, that's just as bad. Maybe worse."
"I get what you're saying. None of the girls that I've dated liked sports either. It never bothered me because I guess I always thought that girls just wouldn't like sports. But that's not true either, is it? There are plenty of girls who like sports."
"Yes, there are. I've seen lots of women at games. Maybe we've both just been looking in the wrong places for people to date."
"Yeah. Umm...did you want to hang out again tomorrow?" Ricky asked tentatively.
"That sounds great. We'll do whatever you want. Call me after work and we'll decide."
That sounded great. Ricky started to turn toward his car, then stopped and looked over his shoulder at James. The cop cocked his head. "What is it?" He asked.
Ricky squirmed a bit. "Whenever I end a date, I always..." he began uncertainly.
"You always what?" James asked patiently.
He could feel his face turning red. "Well...umm...a goodnight kiss..." he trailed off, wondering if he should just skitter off to his car and drive away as fast as he possibly could.
James was still, watching him. “You want me to give a you a goodnight kiss, Ricky?" he asked softly.
"Yes! No! I don't know!" he cried, wanting to pull his hair out.
James chuckled and walked off of the porch. He approached Ricky slowly and carefully, as though he were a wounded animal. "I'll be happy to give you a goodnight kiss," he said.
Ricky stood still, quivering, waiting. James reached out and cradled his face in his hands, and leaned forward. His lips brushed Ricky's gently, slowly, sweetly. It was a tender thing, and it made his body melt and his heart beat faster. He was panting, his eyes unfocused, when James drew back. "There," the cop said. "Goodnight, Ricky."
Ricky blinked. He couldn’t speak just yet. James grinned at his speechlessness, then reached out and stroked his cheek lightly with his fingers. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Ricky," he said, and went back into his house. He seemed to understand that he'd so disconcerted poor Ricky that he might not even be able to move if James were still there.
Ricky trailed slowly off to his car. His lips were still tingling from that kiss, and the skin of his cheek was where James had caressed him. Dazed, bemused, and rather out-of-it, he got into his car and drove slowly home.
Go to Next Chapter
Chapter 12
James was so startled by this sudden kiss that he didn't move for a moment. And then, when he could have disengaged, he had to admit that he was enjoying Ricky's frantic, urgent kissing too much to pull away. So for almost a minute he allowed it to go on, and even returned it. His hands cradled Ricky's waist, and he felt his body surge as Ricky's soft moans reached his ears. He even felt the unholy urge to push Ricky down on the couch and seduce him right here and now. He knew that he could do it; all he had to do was get Ricky to stop thinking about anything. Once it was his body doing the thinking for him, all of his objections would disappear.
But he couldn't. He knew that while it would bring him great pleasure now, the guilt that Ricky would feel afterward would mess him up even more. And he might run away from James as far and as fast as he could, never to return. it wasn't worth it. So he sighed and gently untangled them at last, pushing Ricky away. It didn't help to see those kiss-swollen lips or the hazy eyes, but the tears staining Ricky's cheeks did. "Ricky," he said in a low voice. "What was that for?"
Ricky flinched visibly. "I'm sorry," he whimpered.
"For what?" James asked, making him blink.
"For kissing you! I shouldn't have done that!" Ricky wailed.
James shook his head. "While I don't know why you did it, I'm not objecting to it happening," he said.
Ricky was visibly quivering. "I couldn't help myself," he whispered. "I just COULDN'T! I don't know why...I've always liked girls...I don't know what's happening to me..."
"It's okay, Ricky. It really is," James said soothingly.
Ricky shook his head violently. Then he burst into tears again, his shoulders heaving. James immediately took Ricky in his arms, cradling the back of his head with one large hand and massaging the muscles tenderly. "It's all right, Ricky. Cry it out," he said into the other man's ear.
Ricky sobbed, held in James' strong arms, and afterward he felt spent and empty but also better. He slumped in James' grip, feeling safe and protected and taken care of. All of his misery and confusion seemed to have flowed away. It was as though he belonged here, in this man's arms. He could have stayed here forever.
But he couldn't do that. At last he stirred, lifting his head a bit. "I'm sorry," he said hoarsely.
"There's nothing to be sorry for, Ricky," James assured him calmly. "If it helps, I really enjoyed that kiss," he added.
Ricky's eyes went wide. James' lips twitched a bit at the expression on his face. It was just too adorable. "Y-You DID?!" Ricky squeaked.
James nodded. "Yeah. I was pleasantly surprised. I'll admit that I've started to feel more than a bit of attraction toward you, but I wasn't going to do anything about it because you're straight. Maybe not as straight as I thought, though," he went on thoughtfully.
Ricky blushed pink, a decidedly sexy sight. "I've always been straight," he breathed helplessly. "I never thought that I...but then, the last few weeks, I've felt...I'm scared," he said miserably.
"It's all right to be scared. But I hope you won't let fear get in the way of what you really want, Ricky. Whatever that may be," James said soberly.
He twitched. "I don't want to let fear rule me," Ricky said. "I used to let hate rule me, and I know that the underlying cause of hate is most often fear. I learned that in college," he told James. "I just never applied it to myself. But I don't want to let fear stop me anymore, or ruin my life. So..." he looked up into James' eyes, as though searching for something there. "I don't know what to do here," he said helplessly. "What should I do, James?"
"Well, you've got two choices, here, Ricky," the cop replied quietly, his eyes serious. "You can ignore what you feel, and we can just go on being friends. We'll pretend this never happened. That won't be easy, but we can both do it if that's what you really want. Or you can decide that you want to see where this might go, and we could maybe try dating or something. It's all up to you, Ricky. You're the one who has to try to deal with an entirely new situation, so I'll do whatever you want to do."
Ricky made nervous gestures with his hands. He could just ask James to go back to being friends, and this whole incident could be forgotten. That sounded so good! But could he actually do that? Being around James, hanging with him day after day, would he be able to control himself? That kiss had been...amazing. He'd never had a kiss like that before, and his whole body had felt like it was on fire. Could he really give that up entirely? Could he be around James and NOT want to kiss him or be touched by him?
"If we...tried dating..." he began timidly, "Could we...take it slow? I mean..."
"We can go as fast or as slow as you want, Ricky," James told him. "We could just hang around together like we have been so far, but we could consider those dates. And as for the intimate stuff, I'll wait patiently and let you decide when you're ready to initiate it. It'll all be up to you."
Ricky felt happiness and relief well up in him. James was so wonderful! "I'd like that," he said. "Thank you so much, James."
James smiled slightly. "You're welcome, Ricky. But the truth is, I'm willing to go at whatever pace you want because I know that there's no other way that we'd be able to get together. You're a former homophobe who's always been straight, who's having feelings for another guy for the first time. Of course that's going to be complicated. Taking it slow is a good idea for both of us in this situation. In fact, how about we finish watching the game and call that our first date? No kissing required," he added teasingly.
Ricky blushed a little, but he smiled as well. "I'd like that," he said shyly.
An hour later, Ricky sat back in his seat and glanced over at James. The cop was intently watching the screen, his whole body hunched as he willed the players on silently. It still made Ricky feel bemused to realize that he was actually sort of on a date with James - even if it was the most casual, laid-back date that he'd ever been on. They really were just hanging out together, and the extra tension caused by the kiss(Oh, God, he couldn't believe that he'd actually done that!) had leaked away. Now he felt relaxed and happy. Sure, he was dating another man. Dear Lord, he was dating another man! Whenever he thought about it he got tense and anxious, so he'd decided to sort of go with the flow and not think about it too much.
He also wasn't going to think about the complications this would bring to his life. If his father ever found out...oh, shit, he couldn't even think about that! But he also didn't want to think about his mother finding out, or any of his old friends. He'd have to keep his old life and his new separated from now on, which wasn't always going to be easy.
But he could do it. And he would. It might be wrong for him to want to date another guy, but if it was wrong Ricky had decided that he didn't want to be right. James was such an amazing person - how could he not want to be with him, even if James were another man? It might have helped a lot if the cop were a woman, but he wasn't. And Ricky just had to deal with that fact. And keep those who WOULDN'T be able to deal with it from ever finding out the truth...
He took a swig of his beer, deciding to put this all out of his mind for now. He wasn't going to worry too much over what might happen. The future would take care of itself. Right now there was only the present, and James. And that was definitely enough for Ricky.
Later, after the game was over, they stood on James' porch together. The cop had come out to say goodnight to him. Ricky looked up at James, studying the masculinely-handsome face. "I had a great time," he said sincerely.
"Me, too," James replied with a smile. "Best date I've ever been on, in fact. It's nice to be with a guy who likes sports."
Ricky found himself laughing a little. "You can't be the only gay guy who likes sports," he remarked in disbelief.
"No, I’m sure that I'm not. But all of the guys that I’ve dated either hated sports or were indifferent to them. I hadn't realized before this how much that frustrated me. It's kind of important to have some things in common with whoever you date, don't you think? I mean, not everything. Nobody wants to date a carbon copy of themselves. But if you have nothing in common, that's just as bad. Maybe worse."
"I get what you're saying. None of the girls that I've dated liked sports either. It never bothered me because I guess I always thought that girls just wouldn't like sports. But that's not true either, is it? There are plenty of girls who like sports."
"Yes, there are. I've seen lots of women at games. Maybe we've both just been looking in the wrong places for people to date."
"Yeah. Umm...did you want to hang out again tomorrow?" Ricky asked tentatively.
"That sounds great. We'll do whatever you want. Call me after work and we'll decide."
That sounded great. Ricky started to turn toward his car, then stopped and looked over his shoulder at James. The cop cocked his head. "What is it?" He asked.
Ricky squirmed a bit. "Whenever I end a date, I always..." he began uncertainly.
"You always what?" James asked patiently.
He could feel his face turning red. "Well...umm...a goodnight kiss..." he trailed off, wondering if he should just skitter off to his car and drive away as fast as he possibly could.
James was still, watching him. “You want me to give a you a goodnight kiss, Ricky?" he asked softly.
"Yes! No! I don't know!" he cried, wanting to pull his hair out.
James chuckled and walked off of the porch. He approached Ricky slowly and carefully, as though he were a wounded animal. "I'll be happy to give you a goodnight kiss," he said.
Ricky stood still, quivering, waiting. James reached out and cradled his face in his hands, and leaned forward. His lips brushed Ricky's gently, slowly, sweetly. It was a tender thing, and it made his body melt and his heart beat faster. He was panting, his eyes unfocused, when James drew back. "There," the cop said. "Goodnight, Ricky."
Ricky blinked. He couldn’t speak just yet. James grinned at his speechlessness, then reached out and stroked his cheek lightly with his fingers. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Ricky," he said, and went back into his house. He seemed to understand that he'd so disconcerted poor Ricky that he might not even be able to move if James were still there.
Ricky trailed slowly off to his car. His lips were still tingling from that kiss, and the skin of his cheek was where James had caressed him. Dazed, bemused, and rather out-of-it, he got into his car and drove slowly home.
Go to Next Chapter