Turkey Day- a Christmas Sucks one-shot














         Donnell MacAindris cursed heavily in Gaelic as he pulled the oven door open and a roil of black smoke spewed out into the kitchen of his and Kieran’s apartment. The vampire glared redly down at the charred remains of the small turkey sitting on the pan on a rack of the oven, as though he could somehow rip apart a dead(and turned to charcoal) creature and it would somehow care. He wanted to stomp his feet or put his first through a wall. Damn it all! He’d thought that he could do this!

He’d wanted to cook a traditional Thanksgiving Feast for his lover the Merlin Kieran O’Mara, because he knew that the mage missed his family deeply at this time of the year especially. While he was as cheerful as ever most of the time, every once in awhile an expression of melancholy would flit over Kieran’s face whenever they watched holiday films together that showed happy families(or even dysfunctional ones) celebrating Thanksgiving together. The vampire had sensed that this was the time of year when Kieran missed the family he’d had to leave the most, and while he couldn’t help to reunite them(Kieran’s family would want to know why he hadn’t aged a day since he’d ‘died’ over forty years ago), Donnell had wanted to at least recreate something by preparing a traditional Thanksgiving dinner for Kieran.

But he was utterly, totally hopeless. While he’d learned to cook some kinds of foods over the last year, turkey was not one of the successful dishes. This was, in point of fact, the third one that he’d reduced to this condition in the last two days. Depressed and disgusted, Donnell grabbed a hot pad, pulled the scorched pan out of the oven, and tossed the whole thing in the sink. He stood looking down at it in a complete funk, angry at himself and the makers of that wretched cookbook alike. He’d tried following the instructions to the letter, but apparently modern technology was beyond him. He couldn’t set the timer on the oven to save himself - and the turkey had paid the price.

It wasn’t just the birds, though. Mashed potatoes he could just about manage, but his home-made stuffing was dry, over-spiced, and(he suspected, since he couldn’t eat it himself) completely inedible. He’d tried making yams, but had boiled them too long and now they were tough and rubbery. And he didn’t even want to think about the pumpkin pies that he’d attempted - having a sweet tooth, he’d actually tried a bit of one. Then he’d promptly spit it back out, spluttering and making faces as he ran tap water over his tongue to clear the taste out of his mouth.

His surprise for Kieran was a total wash. He couldn’t feed the human this garbage, not if he didn’t want him to get sick. Wilting, he moped his way out into the living room and threw himself down on the couch. Moodily he turned on the TV, glaring at the screen as though the television were somehow to blame fore his wretched failure. Much as he hated most holidays, he was coming to hate this one more than all of the others put together. He didn’t want Kieran to come home, because then he’d have to admit his failure and see the disappointment on Kieran’s face. His stomach clenched at the very thought, and he moved restlessly on the couch as he rubbed at his forehead with two fingers.

As though thought had conjured the man, the door banged open just then and Kieran O’Mara staggered in under a mass of bags and boxes. “A little help here!” he called, as the tower of stuff threatened to teeter and fall.

Donnell jumped to his feet and ran over to save the pile. “What in the name of all that’s holy is this, Kieran?” he demanded as he caught at a large box and lifted it easily(being a vampire, he was super strong).

The mage’s face, which had finally emerged from behind the pile, split into a grin. “It’s Thanksgiving dinner,” he explained. “I felt like having a traditional meal this year, because you’ll be here with me even if you can’t eat much of it. It’s nice to have a family again, and I wanted to celebrate the things I have to be thankful for - like you,” and he winked happily at the astonished vampire.

Donnell gaped down at the box he was holding. “Thanksgiving…how did you manage it?” he asked weakly.

Kieran chuckled as he carried what he was still holding over to the small dining room table that Donnell had acquired now that he had someone in his apartment who actually ate food. “I pre-ordered it from this really great restaurant I know of. I have everything here - a turkey, stuffing, pie, you name it,” he said as he began to unpack the various bags and boxes onto the tabletop.

Donnell set the big box down on the table, feeling somehow even worse about this. Kieran had had to go to a restaurant because HE had failed miserably…he blinked away reddish tears, refusing to give in to his depression over the ruined meal.

Suddenly he found himself swept up in a pair of strong arms. “What’s the matter, Donnell?” Kieran asked him in concern.

He sniffled. Damn it all, he’d actually sniffled! “I wanted…to make you a surprise Thanksgiving meal, Kieran,” he said sadly.

The mage looked startled. “Oh? I’m sorry, Donnell. I wouldn’t have ordered all of this stuff if I’d known,” he said remorsefully.

Donnell shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I couldn’t do it,” he said flatly, staring down at the floor. “I burned three turkeys trying to get it right, and nothing else came out right, either.”

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry,” Kieran breathed, kissing the top of his head. “That was so nice of you, to try to do that for me! I’m really touched. Just remember - it’s the thought that counts, and that you were thinking of me is so nice that it’s choking me up. I’m really happy that you tried to cook a Thanksgiving dinner just for me. You see, this is just another example of what a total sweetheart you are.”

Donnell gave him a dark look, since he didn’t like to be called ‘sweet’, even by his lover. Kieran grinned and bussed his lips. “I appreciate the thought, and I’ll try hard to show just how much I do later on,” he murmured naughtily.

Donnell shook his head, although his groin stirred at the thought of what Kieran might consider as a reward for his thoughtfulness. “Eat your dinner,” he said in faint exasperation.

“I surely will, believe me,” Kieran remarked, and there was something in his voice that made Donnell give him a suspicious look…

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Donnell moaned, squirming a little on the polished top of the dining room table. He was lying naked on his back atop it, spread out like a Thanksgiving feast. Which is what he literally was, because that wretched Kieran had stripped him and then had proceeded to smear food all over his pale nude body. He had mashed potatoes in his belly button, stuffing spread over his shoulders in a collar, and slices of turkey here and there. Kieran had topped it all off with turkey gravy in long droplets, and now he was straddling a chair as he lazily ate off of Donnell’s body.

“Mmm, good,” he murmured as his tongue lapped drops of gravy from the skin of Donnell’s groin. The vampire shuddered, groaning, as his lover sucked up a dollop of mashed potatoes from his belly button and then nibbled at a slice of turkey near his hip.

“Kieran,” he rasped desperately, writhing.

“I love this version of Thanksgiving dinner,” Kieran remarked, then ran his tongue in a long lick up a line of gravy until he reached a rucked rose-colored nipple. But he didn’t stop, even though there was no more gravy. He took up licking at the hardened point instead, making Donnell cry out and arch for him.

“I cannot…ahh!” Donnell cried out, as Kieran’s lips and tongue explored the stuffing(and by extension his delicate collarbones and upper chest.

“Just a little more, Donnell. I’m still hungry,” Kieran said, and returned to his wonderful, horrible, torturous dinner.

“I will…kill you, you miserable…mage!” Donnell wailed, losing it.

A laugh near his left thigh. “What a way to go, baby,” he remarked happily, just before he said something about “Dessert time,” before his mouth enfolded Donnell’s weeping cock and began to suckle at it tenderly.

“Oh, God!” Donnell cried, his hands flying down to close in the long brown hair and clutch at it as Kieran drove him mad with pleasure.

Kieran stopped, making him growl in frustrated fury. But Kieran ignored his threatening sound, and pushed his legs up to his chest so that he could continue his meal. His tongue danced down over Donnell’s balls and over his perineum, finding the twitching pink ring of his asshole and lavishing attention on it lovingly. He moaned, lost and helpless as Kieran feasted on him.

“This dinner’s made me hungry,” Kieran purred from down between his legs. “What about you, Donnell?”

The vampire wasn’t able to answer coherently, because two slick fingers had breeched him at the same time that Kieran spoke. They bore into his body, twisting and turning. He whimpered, desperately needing what those impudent digits were promising. He cried out as two fingertips found his prostate and pressed on it, making him buck and arch on the surface of the table once again.

“Dinner time,” Kieran said happily, extracting his fingers. He climbed up onto the tabletop, naked and definitely ready for action. He twined Donnell’s legs around his waist, and sank easily into his vampire lover with one thrust.

Donnell twined his arms around Kieran’s neck as the taller mage laid his body atop the vampire’s, bracing himself with his arms. He swooped down to kiss Donnell hungrily as he began to move, driving into Donnell’s body with slow, deep strokes. His lips left the vampire’s to sketch down his jaw and neck. “I love you, Donnell,” Kieran groaned, never stopping the movement of his hips.

“I love you too, daft Merlin,” he replied breathily, rotating his hips and tightening his inner muscles to make his lover groan and shake atop him.

“Aww, Jesus, I don’t know how much longer I’ll last,” Kieran rasped. He tilted his neck, offering it to Donnell. “Eat, baby. It ain’t over ‘til everybody gets fed.”

The vampire let his fangs drop, and buried them in the side of Kieran’s neck. The mage cried out, speeding up the pace of his movements as Donnell sucked at him. His body had begun to tremble when Donnell released him after only a few swallows(he never needed much of that magic-laced blood to fill him up), and they both moaned almost in tandem as they felt their orgasms approaching. Kieran pushed in hard, once, and shuddered to a halt. Donnell cried out as his cock began to spew reddish semen onto the skin of Kieran’s upper belly, and they both shook with the intensity of the pleasure they were feeling.

The loud sound of panting breaths was the only thing that could be heard for a moment. Then Kieran kissed his forehead and murmured: “Happy Thanksgiving, Donnell. That was the best meal that I’ve EVER had.”