Chapter 4
Connor sat in his Psych 101 class and stared down at the professor. He wasn’t really listening to the lecture, though; he was thinking about what Aaron had told him in his office. It made him feel really great to know that Aaron couldn’t seem to feel desire for anyone else either anymore. Now he wasn’t suffering alone. He might have felt bad about that fact, except that he knew that if Aaron ever wanted relief from his frustration he could always come to Connor. He was ready to have sex with Aaron whenever the older man wanted to. In fact, he was OVER ready. His body had kicked into overdrive when he’d seen Aaron again, and it was ready to party.
He sighed a little. It was a good thing that blue balls weren’t terminal, or he’d be dead already. Most of his teenage years wasted while he waited to see Aaron again. And now that he had, he wanted to get down and dirty in the worst way. The hardest thing for him to take was the knowledge that Aaron wanted him just as much in return; after all, he’d kissed Connor ferociously in his classroom(and the younger man hadn’t missed the erection pressing against his belly as Aaron did so), and he’d admitted to having the same kind of sexy dreams about Connor that he’d had about Aaron for years now.
Well, Aaron would come around eventually. Connor was sure of it. It was the ‘eventually’ part that was getting to him. He was eighteen, after all. Not the age where people were good at being patient. He just wanted to jump on Aaron Birkhalt and force him to have sex with him. Of course that would be pretty much impossible anyway, since Aaron was not only older and stronger than him, Connor didn’t know that much about gay sex. Unlike most young men blossoming into manhood, he hadn’t surfed the net for porn. He knew very little about the act that he yearned for so desperately. He wasn’t sure what they were going to do about that, since Aaron had been straight up until now. He just hoped that they could find a solution when the time came.
Aaron awoke with a start, sitting up in bed with his heart hammering in his chest. He gasped for breath as he struggled to take in the dream he’d just had. It hadn’t been the usual wet dream about Connor this time; no, in this dream he’d been chained to a wall in a cramped, dirty, damp stone cell, while a man in a dirty leather jerkin had leered at him from the doorway. He’d felt such terror that he’d had to press his lips together to stop his screams. He would not give this man the satisfaction of begging for some kind of mercy, since he knew he wouldn’t get it anyway.
He’d thought about his family as a way to take his mind off of his horrible situation. He could see them in his mind’s eye – the four boys and five girls who were his surviving children. He knew his husband would take good care of them, that they would be safe. That thought, in spite of his knowledge of the horrors to come, kept him going. He closed his eyes on the leering man, knowing that the inevitable pawing would begin soon. He would endure it until the flames finally freed him from this prison, and God swept him up in His loving arms and carried him off to heaven to await the coming of the man he loved more than life itself…
Aaron ran a hand through his hair. He had a dream about that past life that Connor had told him about. The one where he’d been burned as a witch. The dregs of his terror were still with him in the now, no matter how hard he tried to shake them off. Being chained in that cell, waiting for them to burn him while his jailers molested him…well, her, actually…he felt rather nauseous. Pushing back his covers, he stumbled into his bathroom to wash his face. God, what a horrible dream. He longed for the return of the steamy but frustrating sex dreams in place of having another one like that ever again.
His hands were shaking a bit as he splashed warm water on his face. He looked a little pale, his eyes a bit too wide. He grimaced at himself in the mirror. “Hey, you were the one that wanted those sex dreams to go away,” he croaked at himself. “As the Chinese say, be careful what you wish for – you just might get it.”
Aaron decided to take a hot shower and make himself some tea rather than trying to sleep again. The shower helped relax his muscles, and a couple of ibuprofen drunk with a steaming cup of green tea stopped the pounding in his skull. He slumped at his kitchen table wearily, thinking to himself that there were people who actually WANTED to remember their past lives! Crazy. They were all crazy. Of course, if they’d experienced what he had just now they’d probably change their minds in a hurry. The problems of one lifetime were enough for him, without throwing in others on top of it. Especially other lives where he’d gone through horrible experiences.
Finally he’d unwound enough to try to get some more sleep. But it proved elusive and fitful after that, and he was dragging when he got up the next morning. Doing his best blank-eyed zombie impersonation, Aaron shuffled off to work.
Connor noticed that Aaron didn’t look very good. He frowned down at his soul mate, seeing the dark circles under Aaron’s eyes and how pale his face was. Was he getting sick? He wanted to go down there and put his hand on Aaron’s forehead to check for a fever. And if he was getting sick, Connor wanted to order the older man to go home and rest. But of course he couldn’t do that. They weren’t even lovers yet, after all. His fingers drummed on the desktop in front of him as he tried to sit patiently through Aaron’s lecture.
Finally class was done. The other students began to stream out, but Connor headed directly for Aaron. “What’s the matter?” he asked in a low voice as he approached the desk.
Aaron started a little, showing that he was pretty out of it. He hadn’t noticed Connor’s approach. “Err…nothing,” he rasped.
“Don’t lie to me,” Connor said ferociously, glaring at him. “I can tell when you’re lying. Tell me what’s the matter.”
Aaron sighed, glancing at the door to make sure that everyone else had left. “I had a dream last night,” he confessed. “Not a sex dream this time. It was about…that other life you told me about. I was in a cell, waiting to be burned at the stake. It was…awful,” he said, his eyes haunted.
Connor didn’t hesitate. He stepped forward and put his arms around Aaron. He rested his head on the older man’s shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to experience that,” he said softly. “But I’m always here for you, Aaron, whenever you need to talk about it.”
Aaron almost instantly felt better when Connor hugged him. He didn’t fight it – he simply put his arms around his student and held on tightly. He found himself burying his face in those inky black curls and closing his eyes. “Thank you, Connor,” he said hoarsely.
When they finally drew apart, Aaron smiled shakily at Connor. “Connor, I’ve been thinking,” he began hoarsely.
The younger man blinked. “What is it?” he asked, a tad warily.
Aaron sighed. “Even after you’re no longer my student, I really CAN’T date you,” he began. “If anyone at the school finds out that I’m dating a student, even a person who isn’t MY student, they’ll still fire me. I can’t risk that, I really can’t. I really love my job, and I don’t think that I’ll be able to get another teaching job if I’m accused of ‘moral turpitude’ with a student. I’m sorry, Connor, I really am. I do like you, I swear. But…”
The younger man sighed. “Is that all that’s bothering you?” he demanded.
Now it was Aaron’s turn to blink in surprise. “What?” he said, baffled.
Connor shrugged. “I’ll quit school,” he replied simply. “And that will take care of that.”
Astounded, Aaron just stared at him. ‘But you can’t do that!” he cried after a moment.
“Why not?”
“Because! You need to get an education!” Aaron protested.
Connor snorted. “I was only going to college because that’s what my parents want. I’ll be fine.”
“But Connor…without a college education these days, the only job you’ll be able to get is at a Taco Bell!” Aaron cried in distress.
“I already have a job,” Connor replied confidently, completely taking him aback.
“What?” he said. “What kind of job? Fast food?”
Connor grinned. “Hardly. I’m a video game designer,” he explained. “A friend wanted to start doing it a few years ago in high school, and he talked his parents into buying him the equipment he needed. It was really expensive, but his folks are doctors and they give him anything he wants. He asked me to do the graphics work because I’ve always been good at drawing and with computers too. It took us awhile, but we finally managed to make a first-person shooter game and he shopped it around. We sold it to a video game company for fifty grand and split the profits, and the company ordered another game from us. We‘re working on it now, but my parents told me that I had to go to college anyway because they don’t think it’ll last. They don’t see video game designer as a real career. They’re old,” he added in disgust, making Aaron’s lips twitch.
“I see,” he remarked, dazed. “Are you sure that you want to quit? That you’re not just doing it to be with me?”
“Of course I’m doing it to be with you,” Connor said impatiently. “But I didn’t really want to be here anyway. Why do you think I chose that bullshit major? Like I could make a living from THAT,” he said scornfully.
“Oh. Well…If that’s what you want…”
Connor laughed. “Aaron, you are too funny,” he said, his beautiful eyes twinkling. “I’ll go and drop out today. It isn’t past the date for it yet, so I’ll still get my money back. My parents won’t be happy, but I have enough money that I can move out of their house if I want to.”
Aaron didn’t know what to say to this. But after a moment, he said tentatively: “Connor? Did you want to…umm…go and do something together this weekend?”
Connor’s eyes lit up, and he smiled eagerly. “Sure!” he cried happily. “Cool! It’ll be our first date!”
Aaron wasn’t sure how he felt about going on a date with another man, but how else were he and Connor supposed to get to know each other better? “All right. I could come and pick you up, unless you have a car…”
“No, not yet. I want to get one, but I also want to get my own apartment so I’ve been riding the bus. Do you know my address?”
“No. Write it down for me,” Aaron went over and retrieved a slip of paper and a pen from his desk, and Connor scribbled down his address. Aaron took the paper from him and slipped it into the inner pocket of his suit jacket. “What time should I come and pick you up?” he asked.
“Any time after noon. I’ll spend the morning working on the game so we’ll have all day after that to do what we want together.”
“All right. I’ll see you then, Connor,” Aaron said, thinking with a pang that he wouldn’t be getting to see the younger man three times a week anymore.
Connor studied his face, then pulled a piece of paper from a notebook and wrote something down on it. “This is my cell phone number,” he said firmly, handing it to Aaron. “Call me any time this week if you want to talk. It doesn’t matter what time or what you want to talk about. I’ll always be there for you, Aaron,” he said quietly.
“Thank you, Connor,” he said, taking the paper. “I’ll call you, I promise.”
“Good,” Connor stepped close to him and leaned up a bit to kiss him on the cheek. “I’ll miss seeing you all the time, Aaron,” he said wistfully, “But I’ll do whatever I have to so that we can be together. I’ll see you Saturday,” he smiled and left the class room, leaving Aaron standing there watching him depart.
Aaron felt restless and all out-of-sorts after that. It was a good thing that Connor was withdrawing from his classes, but he’d gotten used to the younger man being there three times a week. It had been nice to see him sitting up there, and to feel the weight of his stare. Of course he could call Connor during the week, but it wouldn’t quite be the same. He taught his last class of the day in a sort of mental fugue, overwhelmed by tiredness and his ambivalent feelings about everything that was going on. He was glad to retreat to his tiny office and work on grading papers, but he finally laid the stack down because he couldn’t concentrate anymore.
He lifted his head and stared at the phone on his desk. Finally he fished out the paper that Connor had written his cell phone on and dialed it slowly. It rang, and was almost immediately picked up on the other end. “Aaron?” Connor’s young voice said.
Surprised, he asked: “How did you know it was me?”
“I don’t know, I just knew,” the younger man replied. “Are you all right?”
“Yes, I‘m a bit tired and a little depressed after that dream. I just wanted to talk to you…” he trailed off, feeling a little embarrassed at his need to speak to Connor when it had only been a few hours since he’d last seen him.
“I told you you could call whenever you wanted to,” Connor pointed out.
“Yes,” he sighed, rubbing at his forehead with one hand.
Connor’s voice was wistful. “I wish I could be there with you,” he said softly. “I’d rub your head for you.”
Aaron pulled his hand away, dumbfounded. How had Connor known that he was developing a headache? “You’re scary, you know that?” he said
Connor chuckled. “I know everything about you, Aaron,” he pointed out in amusement. “I told you that the first time we met.”
“Yes you did. I guess I just didn’t realize what you really meant,” Aaron replied. “It’s kind of spooky, hearing that someone who’s a near stranger knows so much about me.”
“I’m not a stranger,” Connor said. “We’ve known each other forever.”
“Yes, I guess that’s true,” Aaron agreed in bemusement. “Weird, but true.”
Go to Next Chapter
Connor sat in his Psych 101 class and stared down at the professor. He wasn’t really listening to the lecture, though; he was thinking about what Aaron had told him in his office. It made him feel really great to know that Aaron couldn’t seem to feel desire for anyone else either anymore. Now he wasn’t suffering alone. He might have felt bad about that fact, except that he knew that if Aaron ever wanted relief from his frustration he could always come to Connor. He was ready to have sex with Aaron whenever the older man wanted to. In fact, he was OVER ready. His body had kicked into overdrive when he’d seen Aaron again, and it was ready to party.
He sighed a little. It was a good thing that blue balls weren’t terminal, or he’d be dead already. Most of his teenage years wasted while he waited to see Aaron again. And now that he had, he wanted to get down and dirty in the worst way. The hardest thing for him to take was the knowledge that Aaron wanted him just as much in return; after all, he’d kissed Connor ferociously in his classroom(and the younger man hadn’t missed the erection pressing against his belly as Aaron did so), and he’d admitted to having the same kind of sexy dreams about Connor that he’d had about Aaron for years now.
Well, Aaron would come around eventually. Connor was sure of it. It was the ‘eventually’ part that was getting to him. He was eighteen, after all. Not the age where people were good at being patient. He just wanted to jump on Aaron Birkhalt and force him to have sex with him. Of course that would be pretty much impossible anyway, since Aaron was not only older and stronger than him, Connor didn’t know that much about gay sex. Unlike most young men blossoming into manhood, he hadn’t surfed the net for porn. He knew very little about the act that he yearned for so desperately. He wasn’t sure what they were going to do about that, since Aaron had been straight up until now. He just hoped that they could find a solution when the time came.
Aaron awoke with a start, sitting up in bed with his heart hammering in his chest. He gasped for breath as he struggled to take in the dream he’d just had. It hadn’t been the usual wet dream about Connor this time; no, in this dream he’d been chained to a wall in a cramped, dirty, damp stone cell, while a man in a dirty leather jerkin had leered at him from the doorway. He’d felt such terror that he’d had to press his lips together to stop his screams. He would not give this man the satisfaction of begging for some kind of mercy, since he knew he wouldn’t get it anyway.
He’d thought about his family as a way to take his mind off of his horrible situation. He could see them in his mind’s eye – the four boys and five girls who were his surviving children. He knew his husband would take good care of them, that they would be safe. That thought, in spite of his knowledge of the horrors to come, kept him going. He closed his eyes on the leering man, knowing that the inevitable pawing would begin soon. He would endure it until the flames finally freed him from this prison, and God swept him up in His loving arms and carried him off to heaven to await the coming of the man he loved more than life itself…
Aaron ran a hand through his hair. He had a dream about that past life that Connor had told him about. The one where he’d been burned as a witch. The dregs of his terror were still with him in the now, no matter how hard he tried to shake them off. Being chained in that cell, waiting for them to burn him while his jailers molested him…well, her, actually…he felt rather nauseous. Pushing back his covers, he stumbled into his bathroom to wash his face. God, what a horrible dream. He longed for the return of the steamy but frustrating sex dreams in place of having another one like that ever again.
His hands were shaking a bit as he splashed warm water on his face. He looked a little pale, his eyes a bit too wide. He grimaced at himself in the mirror. “Hey, you were the one that wanted those sex dreams to go away,” he croaked at himself. “As the Chinese say, be careful what you wish for – you just might get it.”
Aaron decided to take a hot shower and make himself some tea rather than trying to sleep again. The shower helped relax his muscles, and a couple of ibuprofen drunk with a steaming cup of green tea stopped the pounding in his skull. He slumped at his kitchen table wearily, thinking to himself that there were people who actually WANTED to remember their past lives! Crazy. They were all crazy. Of course, if they’d experienced what he had just now they’d probably change their minds in a hurry. The problems of one lifetime were enough for him, without throwing in others on top of it. Especially other lives where he’d gone through horrible experiences.
Finally he’d unwound enough to try to get some more sleep. But it proved elusive and fitful after that, and he was dragging when he got up the next morning. Doing his best blank-eyed zombie impersonation, Aaron shuffled off to work.
Connor noticed that Aaron didn’t look very good. He frowned down at his soul mate, seeing the dark circles under Aaron’s eyes and how pale his face was. Was he getting sick? He wanted to go down there and put his hand on Aaron’s forehead to check for a fever. And if he was getting sick, Connor wanted to order the older man to go home and rest. But of course he couldn’t do that. They weren’t even lovers yet, after all. His fingers drummed on the desktop in front of him as he tried to sit patiently through Aaron’s lecture.
Finally class was done. The other students began to stream out, but Connor headed directly for Aaron. “What’s the matter?” he asked in a low voice as he approached the desk.
Aaron started a little, showing that he was pretty out of it. He hadn’t noticed Connor’s approach. “Err…nothing,” he rasped.
“Don’t lie to me,” Connor said ferociously, glaring at him. “I can tell when you’re lying. Tell me what’s the matter.”
Aaron sighed, glancing at the door to make sure that everyone else had left. “I had a dream last night,” he confessed. “Not a sex dream this time. It was about…that other life you told me about. I was in a cell, waiting to be burned at the stake. It was…awful,” he said, his eyes haunted.
Connor didn’t hesitate. He stepped forward and put his arms around Aaron. He rested his head on the older man’s shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to experience that,” he said softly. “But I’m always here for you, Aaron, whenever you need to talk about it.”
Aaron almost instantly felt better when Connor hugged him. He didn’t fight it – he simply put his arms around his student and held on tightly. He found himself burying his face in those inky black curls and closing his eyes. “Thank you, Connor,” he said hoarsely.
When they finally drew apart, Aaron smiled shakily at Connor. “Connor, I’ve been thinking,” he began hoarsely.
The younger man blinked. “What is it?” he asked, a tad warily.
Aaron sighed. “Even after you’re no longer my student, I really CAN’T date you,” he began. “If anyone at the school finds out that I’m dating a student, even a person who isn’t MY student, they’ll still fire me. I can’t risk that, I really can’t. I really love my job, and I don’t think that I’ll be able to get another teaching job if I’m accused of ‘moral turpitude’ with a student. I’m sorry, Connor, I really am. I do like you, I swear. But…”
The younger man sighed. “Is that all that’s bothering you?” he demanded.
Now it was Aaron’s turn to blink in surprise. “What?” he said, baffled.
Connor shrugged. “I’ll quit school,” he replied simply. “And that will take care of that.”
Astounded, Aaron just stared at him. ‘But you can’t do that!” he cried after a moment.
“Why not?”
“Because! You need to get an education!” Aaron protested.
Connor snorted. “I was only going to college because that’s what my parents want. I’ll be fine.”
“But Connor…without a college education these days, the only job you’ll be able to get is at a Taco Bell!” Aaron cried in distress.
“I already have a job,” Connor replied confidently, completely taking him aback.
“What?” he said. “What kind of job? Fast food?”
Connor grinned. “Hardly. I’m a video game designer,” he explained. “A friend wanted to start doing it a few years ago in high school, and he talked his parents into buying him the equipment he needed. It was really expensive, but his folks are doctors and they give him anything he wants. He asked me to do the graphics work because I’ve always been good at drawing and with computers too. It took us awhile, but we finally managed to make a first-person shooter game and he shopped it around. We sold it to a video game company for fifty grand and split the profits, and the company ordered another game from us. We‘re working on it now, but my parents told me that I had to go to college anyway because they don’t think it’ll last. They don’t see video game designer as a real career. They’re old,” he added in disgust, making Aaron’s lips twitch.
“I see,” he remarked, dazed. “Are you sure that you want to quit? That you’re not just doing it to be with me?”
“Of course I’m doing it to be with you,” Connor said impatiently. “But I didn’t really want to be here anyway. Why do you think I chose that bullshit major? Like I could make a living from THAT,” he said scornfully.
“Oh. Well…If that’s what you want…”
Connor laughed. “Aaron, you are too funny,” he said, his beautiful eyes twinkling. “I’ll go and drop out today. It isn’t past the date for it yet, so I’ll still get my money back. My parents won’t be happy, but I have enough money that I can move out of their house if I want to.”
Aaron didn’t know what to say to this. But after a moment, he said tentatively: “Connor? Did you want to…umm…go and do something together this weekend?”
Connor’s eyes lit up, and he smiled eagerly. “Sure!” he cried happily. “Cool! It’ll be our first date!”
Aaron wasn’t sure how he felt about going on a date with another man, but how else were he and Connor supposed to get to know each other better? “All right. I could come and pick you up, unless you have a car…”
“No, not yet. I want to get one, but I also want to get my own apartment so I’ve been riding the bus. Do you know my address?”
“No. Write it down for me,” Aaron went over and retrieved a slip of paper and a pen from his desk, and Connor scribbled down his address. Aaron took the paper from him and slipped it into the inner pocket of his suit jacket. “What time should I come and pick you up?” he asked.
“Any time after noon. I’ll spend the morning working on the game so we’ll have all day after that to do what we want together.”
“All right. I’ll see you then, Connor,” Aaron said, thinking with a pang that he wouldn’t be getting to see the younger man three times a week anymore.
Connor studied his face, then pulled a piece of paper from a notebook and wrote something down on it. “This is my cell phone number,” he said firmly, handing it to Aaron. “Call me any time this week if you want to talk. It doesn’t matter what time or what you want to talk about. I’ll always be there for you, Aaron,” he said quietly.
“Thank you, Connor,” he said, taking the paper. “I’ll call you, I promise.”
“Good,” Connor stepped close to him and leaned up a bit to kiss him on the cheek. “I’ll miss seeing you all the time, Aaron,” he said wistfully, “But I’ll do whatever I have to so that we can be together. I’ll see you Saturday,” he smiled and left the class room, leaving Aaron standing there watching him depart.
Aaron felt restless and all out-of-sorts after that. It was a good thing that Connor was withdrawing from his classes, but he’d gotten used to the younger man being there three times a week. It had been nice to see him sitting up there, and to feel the weight of his stare. Of course he could call Connor during the week, but it wouldn’t quite be the same. He taught his last class of the day in a sort of mental fugue, overwhelmed by tiredness and his ambivalent feelings about everything that was going on. He was glad to retreat to his tiny office and work on grading papers, but he finally laid the stack down because he couldn’t concentrate anymore.
He lifted his head and stared at the phone on his desk. Finally he fished out the paper that Connor had written his cell phone on and dialed it slowly. It rang, and was almost immediately picked up on the other end. “Aaron?” Connor’s young voice said.
Surprised, he asked: “How did you know it was me?”
“I don’t know, I just knew,” the younger man replied. “Are you all right?”
“Yes, I‘m a bit tired and a little depressed after that dream. I just wanted to talk to you…” he trailed off, feeling a little embarrassed at his need to speak to Connor when it had only been a few hours since he’d last seen him.
“I told you you could call whenever you wanted to,” Connor pointed out.
“Yes,” he sighed, rubbing at his forehead with one hand.
Connor’s voice was wistful. “I wish I could be there with you,” he said softly. “I’d rub your head for you.”
Aaron pulled his hand away, dumbfounded. How had Connor known that he was developing a headache? “You’re scary, you know that?” he said
Connor chuckled. “I know everything about you, Aaron,” he pointed out in amusement. “I told you that the first time we met.”
“Yes you did. I guess I just didn’t realize what you really meant,” Aaron replied. “It’s kind of spooky, hearing that someone who’s a near stranger knows so much about me.”
“I’m not a stranger,” Connor said. “We’ve known each other forever.”
“Yes, I guess that’s true,” Aaron agreed in bemusement. “Weird, but true.”
Go to Next Chapter