Chapter 2
Derek pulled Chad over to Han Solo and Leia. “Hey!” he called, making both people look at them. “Here’s Boba Fett to arrest your ass, Captain Solo!”
They both looked surprised. Then the Leia looked admiringly at Chad’s costume. “Wow, that’s the best Boba Fett I’ve ever seen!” she exclaimed enthusiastically.
He felt his chest swell with pride. “Thanks,” he said. Derek looked from him to the girl, and Chad could tell that his friend was unhappy with her reaction and the way she was looking at him.
“Hey Leia, babe, Boba here likes guys. So you wanna see my Death Star?” he asked with a leer in his voice.
She started to give him that LOOK, the one just about all girls gave Derek sooner or later. But then she got an arrested look on her face and glanced at Han Solo speculatively. “Yeah, why not?” she said. “Let’s go and look at the displays, Stormy. Come on,” she grabbed Derek’s arm and dragged the shocked man away, with him going passively because he was too startled to protest. No girl had EVER taken him up on one of his stupid lines before this.
Chad started to panic a little, left alone with the gorgeous Han Solo. He almost dropped his replica laser rifle. “Ummm…” he said, his voice breaking a bit.
“That’s smooth, Boba.” There was laughter in Han’s voice. “So are you going to take me away, now?” he held up his wrists as though offering them to Chad for powered cuffs.
Chad started to sweat heavily inside of his costume. He really wasn’t that good at social interactions, especially not when a super-hot guy dressed as Han Solo was talking to him. Hs tongue felt like lead in his mouth. He wracked his brain for something to say – something suave, or funny, or intelligent. ‘Be Boba Fett!’ he squalled at himself. ‘Boba wouldn’t stand here like some idiot!’
“Well,” he heard himself say in that deep, cool voice that he thought of as his ‘Boba’ voice. “I could arrest you now, Solo. Or I could wait for the bounty to go up.”
He was amazed at himself. Han stared at him, and then grinned. “Sure, why not? So, you want to hang out together while we wait for that to happen?”
Chad’s mouth dropped open. Mr. Hottie wanted to hang out with HIM? But he wasn’t Chad Walinski, uber-geek. He was Boba Fett, ultra-cool bounty hunter. “Sure,” he said as Boba. “But I might be compelled to take you into custody at any time.”
“Just give me some warning so I can run,” Han replied with a wink.
“That’d kind of negate the whole purpose of taking you into custody,” Chad pointed out.
“Oh, well. Since our friends deserted us, we’ll definitely have to hang together. Where to, Boba?” Han asked.
“Oh. Umm, I was going to sign up for the costume contest,” Chad replied uncertainly.
“Great. You definitely should. That is an awesome costume. You make it yourself?” they began to walk along toward the room where the sign-ups were taking place for the costume contest.
“Yeah,” Chad said proudly. “Took me almost a year. I wanted it to look right.”
“Well, it does. So Boba Fett’s your favorite character?”
“Yes, he always has been. Ever since I first saw Empire back when I was five. I thought he was so cool,” Chad replied.
“Mmm. As you can see, Han Solo really punched my buttons. Probably partially because he was so damn hot.”
Chad cast a wild sideways glance at him when he said this casually. Seeing the helmet turn, Han grinned again. “Storm trooper doofus said that you like guys,” he said. “Was he lying?”
“Uhh, no,” Chad said. “I-I do. Like guys, that is.”
Han nodded. “Well, you have to admit that Han Solo was a total babe in those movies,” he said.
“Yeah,” Chad replied. “I guess.”
A soft laugh. “Way better than Luke Skywalker with that feathery hair and little boy face. Not to mention little boy attitude. Lando was pretty hot too, but he was too smooth for me. I like my men a little more rough-edged. And Obi-Wan was sexy, but WAY too old.”
This was a weird conversation. Chad had never talked to another gay guy like this before. So casually, comparing guys in a beloved movie. Sort of a ‘who would you do?’ thing. It was strange, but kind of nice. “If Darth Vader hadn’t been so badly burned, I’m sure a ton of guys would have wanted to get with him. The bad boy thing.”
“Yes,” Han agreed. “That’s why Solo is so popular with both gay guys and girls. He has the bad boy thing, but with a heart. Great combo, almost irresistible.”
Chad thought so, although he wasn’t thinking about Harrison Ford at this moment (the guy was in his sixties, for god’s sake!) he was looking at his companion instead. He felt his nervousness return. God, he was so hot. Great smile, nice teeth, smiling brown eyes with a certain wicked light in them…Chad had the powerful urge to freeze this guy in carbonite just so he could stand the man up against his wall and admire him forever.
They entered the room where the costume contest would take place tomorrow. Three people wearing badges were sitting behind a table with a sign-up sheets spread out in front of them. Han wandered over there with Chad in tow. “Hey, we want to sign Boba here up,” he said, indicating his companion.
A girl slid a sheet toward him. “Just put your name on there. It’s a ten dollar entry fee,” she told Chad.
He realized he was still holding the gun. He started to set it down on the table, but Han reached out and took it from him. “I’ll hold that,” he said.
“Thanks,” Chad replied gratefully. He took the pen awkwardly from the girl. His gloves made it hard for him to hold something so small. He signed his name, and then fumbled with a pouch at his waist to get the ten dollar entry fee. He handed it to her. She gave him a badge for him to wear in the contest.
“Good luck,” she said.
They turned away from the table. “I was going to go browse the booths,” Han remarked.
“Want to come, Boba?”
“Sure,” he replied. He might have gone just about anywhere with his ‘mortal enemy’.
They moved back into the lobby and toward the big open room where merchants had set up dozens of booths to sell the assorted paraphernalia beloved by rabid fan boys and girls. Chad couldn’t see as well as he would have liked inside the helmet, but he was reluctant to remove it. He wasn’t sure that he wanted Han to see his face. Boba Fett was Mr. Cool, but Chad Walinski was just an ordinary guy. Not ugly, really, but not handsome either. Not hot or anything. Just Chad. He’d much rather maintain the Boba Fett personality.
They browsed the booths together. Chad was looking over a dealer who was selling action figures when Han handed him something. “Here,” he remarked. “I bought you something.”
Chad was astonished. He felt color rising in his cheeks. He looked down and saw that the thing that Han had bought him was an action figure of his character, Boba Fett. He actually already had this one; he obsessively collected anything that had to do with his hero. But that this guy had actually bought him something – he didn’t know what to say. “Thanks,” he breathed, feeling awkward and shy.
Han smiled. “You’re welcome. Come on; let’s see what else we can see.”
They wandered on, neither speaking, Chad clutching his new action figure tightly. “So what do you do out in the real world, Boba?” Han asked finally. “When you’re not chasing criminals around the galaxy, that is?”
“Oh. I work for a digital technologies company. I’m a typical computer geek.”
“Well, you’re surrounded by your peers here,” Han pointed out easily.
“What about you?”
“Han Solo, dashing rogue and smuggler, is a bartender with a heavy streak of geekiness in him, including an obsession with Star Wars.”
A bartender? That sounded pretty cool. Chad didn’t drink, so he’d never been to a bar before. He’d seen them in movies; of course…he cleared his throat. “Is it fun? Being a bartender?” he asked.
Han shrugged. “It’s a living. Sometimes it gets tiresome, when the drunks start getting rowdy.”
“Do you ever do fancy stuff? Like in Cocktail?”
That sent Han into whoops of laughter. “No offense, but that was the gayest movie ever! And this is a gay guy saying that,” he said when he could talk again. “Bartenders don’t juggle cocktail shakers to pop music, not unless they want to either have people laugh at them or beat the shit out of them. Even in the gay bar I work at. Although if I did it in a thong they might be pretty tolerant,” he added with a grin.
Chad gulped as a vision of Han wearing nothing but a thong flashed through his head. He suddenly felt extremely overheated in his costume. “Hey, there’s Cass! Leia I mean. And your friend,” he heard the other man say.
He looked where Han was pointing. He saw Derek standing with the Leia girl by another booth not far away. His friend had removed the stupid cheap helmet and was carrying it under his arm. He was staring down at the Princess like a man in a dream. “Umm, should we go over there?” he asked.
Han laughed. “Sure, why not? Let’s go over quietly and see what they’re talking about.”
They tried to move through the crowds quietly, which wasn’t easy. Chad was far too tall, and wearing far too much home-made armor, to sneak. But he did his best not to clank too much, and they drew nearer to Leia and Derek. The girl was saying impatiently: “Listen, Stormy, you’re about as charming as a rabid weasel. If you talk to all girls like this, it’s no wonder you don’t have a girlfriend. Hell, it’s a surprise that someone hasn’t kicked you in the balls yet. So if you want to keep your nads intact, I suggest you learn to be a little more charming and a little less like a creepy stalker who wriggled through girls’ bedroom windows at two a.m.”
Chad had never heard a girl talk so logically and reasonably to Derek before. His friend blinked, then said hesitantly: “Umm…you really don’t like it?”
The girl threw him an amused, disgusted look. “Making cracks about how you want to make me your slave girl just because I’m wearing this costume…it doesn’t fly, bud. Listen, a girl doesn’t just want some random guy to jump on her and slaver. She wants to know that he wants to get with her, but you shouldn’t make it clear that that’s ALL you care about. After all, you could just hire a hooker if all you want is to get laid; if you actually want a girlfriend, someone you can talk to as well as have sex with, you have to try harder.”
Derek looked sheepish. “Well, I don’t really know how to talk to girls,” he admitted.
“That’s clear,” she replied crisply. “But the thing is – you have a built-in topic of conversation here, Stormy. These girls are all geeks and fan girls. You can talk to them about Star Wars, if nothing else. Try actually talking to them, see what happens.”
Derek squirmed a bit. “Umm, can’t I just talk to you?” he asked. “Sort of a trial thing?”
Leia tilted her head. “Are you asking me to train you?” she said, looking like an amused little brown bird.
He nodded his head quickly, looking a little embarrassed. She laughed. “Okay, why not? Let’s go get something to eat and we’ll try just talking like normal people. Come on, Stormy,” she led him away, Derek ambling after her with his eyes fastened on her as though he were a giant puppy and she was his master.
Han turned to look at Chad. “Looks like our friends are getting along,” he said with a twinkle in his eyes.
“Yeah. I’ve never seen Derek act that way before around a girl.” Chad said in awe.
“Well, Cass can tame the wildest beast. Hey, do you want to go get something to drink? We can sit down somewhere and talk.”
Chad hesitated, thinking again that he didn’t want to show his face. But at last he said reluctantly: “Sure, okay.”
Han glanced at him questioningly, probably wondering about his reticence. But Chad didn’t say anything else, not wanting to admit why he didn’t want to get something to drink with the other man. At last Han moved toward the doors that led out of the big room, and Chad followed after him. They moved through the lobby until they found a vending machine that sold sodas and bottled water. Han produced some money from a belt pouch and bought them both some water. Then they found seats in the lobby, although Chad had to lean forward again because of the jet pack on his back.
He hesitated as Han opened his bottle. At last, though, he sighed and reached up to remove his helmet. It was now or never. He sat very still, waiting to see what Han would say when the other man saw his face.
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Derek pulled Chad over to Han Solo and Leia. “Hey!” he called, making both people look at them. “Here’s Boba Fett to arrest your ass, Captain Solo!”
They both looked surprised. Then the Leia looked admiringly at Chad’s costume. “Wow, that’s the best Boba Fett I’ve ever seen!” she exclaimed enthusiastically.
He felt his chest swell with pride. “Thanks,” he said. Derek looked from him to the girl, and Chad could tell that his friend was unhappy with her reaction and the way she was looking at him.
“Hey Leia, babe, Boba here likes guys. So you wanna see my Death Star?” he asked with a leer in his voice.
She started to give him that LOOK, the one just about all girls gave Derek sooner or later. But then she got an arrested look on her face and glanced at Han Solo speculatively. “Yeah, why not?” she said. “Let’s go and look at the displays, Stormy. Come on,” she grabbed Derek’s arm and dragged the shocked man away, with him going passively because he was too startled to protest. No girl had EVER taken him up on one of his stupid lines before this.
Chad started to panic a little, left alone with the gorgeous Han Solo. He almost dropped his replica laser rifle. “Ummm…” he said, his voice breaking a bit.
“That’s smooth, Boba.” There was laughter in Han’s voice. “So are you going to take me away, now?” he held up his wrists as though offering them to Chad for powered cuffs.
Chad started to sweat heavily inside of his costume. He really wasn’t that good at social interactions, especially not when a super-hot guy dressed as Han Solo was talking to him. Hs tongue felt like lead in his mouth. He wracked his brain for something to say – something suave, or funny, or intelligent. ‘Be Boba Fett!’ he squalled at himself. ‘Boba wouldn’t stand here like some idiot!’
“Well,” he heard himself say in that deep, cool voice that he thought of as his ‘Boba’ voice. “I could arrest you now, Solo. Or I could wait for the bounty to go up.”
He was amazed at himself. Han stared at him, and then grinned. “Sure, why not? So, you want to hang out together while we wait for that to happen?”
Chad’s mouth dropped open. Mr. Hottie wanted to hang out with HIM? But he wasn’t Chad Walinski, uber-geek. He was Boba Fett, ultra-cool bounty hunter. “Sure,” he said as Boba. “But I might be compelled to take you into custody at any time.”
“Just give me some warning so I can run,” Han replied with a wink.
“That’d kind of negate the whole purpose of taking you into custody,” Chad pointed out.
“Oh, well. Since our friends deserted us, we’ll definitely have to hang together. Where to, Boba?” Han asked.
“Oh. Umm, I was going to sign up for the costume contest,” Chad replied uncertainly.
“Great. You definitely should. That is an awesome costume. You make it yourself?” they began to walk along toward the room where the sign-ups were taking place for the costume contest.
“Yeah,” Chad said proudly. “Took me almost a year. I wanted it to look right.”
“Well, it does. So Boba Fett’s your favorite character?”
“Yes, he always has been. Ever since I first saw Empire back when I was five. I thought he was so cool,” Chad replied.
“Mmm. As you can see, Han Solo really punched my buttons. Probably partially because he was so damn hot.”
Chad cast a wild sideways glance at him when he said this casually. Seeing the helmet turn, Han grinned again. “Storm trooper doofus said that you like guys,” he said. “Was he lying?”
“Uhh, no,” Chad said. “I-I do. Like guys, that is.”
Han nodded. “Well, you have to admit that Han Solo was a total babe in those movies,” he said.
“Yeah,” Chad replied. “I guess.”
A soft laugh. “Way better than Luke Skywalker with that feathery hair and little boy face. Not to mention little boy attitude. Lando was pretty hot too, but he was too smooth for me. I like my men a little more rough-edged. And Obi-Wan was sexy, but WAY too old.”
This was a weird conversation. Chad had never talked to another gay guy like this before. So casually, comparing guys in a beloved movie. Sort of a ‘who would you do?’ thing. It was strange, but kind of nice. “If Darth Vader hadn’t been so badly burned, I’m sure a ton of guys would have wanted to get with him. The bad boy thing.”
“Yes,” Han agreed. “That’s why Solo is so popular with both gay guys and girls. He has the bad boy thing, but with a heart. Great combo, almost irresistible.”
Chad thought so, although he wasn’t thinking about Harrison Ford at this moment (the guy was in his sixties, for god’s sake!) he was looking at his companion instead. He felt his nervousness return. God, he was so hot. Great smile, nice teeth, smiling brown eyes with a certain wicked light in them…Chad had the powerful urge to freeze this guy in carbonite just so he could stand the man up against his wall and admire him forever.
They entered the room where the costume contest would take place tomorrow. Three people wearing badges were sitting behind a table with a sign-up sheets spread out in front of them. Han wandered over there with Chad in tow. “Hey, we want to sign Boba here up,” he said, indicating his companion.
A girl slid a sheet toward him. “Just put your name on there. It’s a ten dollar entry fee,” she told Chad.
He realized he was still holding the gun. He started to set it down on the table, but Han reached out and took it from him. “I’ll hold that,” he said.
“Thanks,” Chad replied gratefully. He took the pen awkwardly from the girl. His gloves made it hard for him to hold something so small. He signed his name, and then fumbled with a pouch at his waist to get the ten dollar entry fee. He handed it to her. She gave him a badge for him to wear in the contest.
“Good luck,” she said.
They turned away from the table. “I was going to go browse the booths,” Han remarked.
“Want to come, Boba?”
“Sure,” he replied. He might have gone just about anywhere with his ‘mortal enemy’.
They moved back into the lobby and toward the big open room where merchants had set up dozens of booths to sell the assorted paraphernalia beloved by rabid fan boys and girls. Chad couldn’t see as well as he would have liked inside the helmet, but he was reluctant to remove it. He wasn’t sure that he wanted Han to see his face. Boba Fett was Mr. Cool, but Chad Walinski was just an ordinary guy. Not ugly, really, but not handsome either. Not hot or anything. Just Chad. He’d much rather maintain the Boba Fett personality.
They browsed the booths together. Chad was looking over a dealer who was selling action figures when Han handed him something. “Here,” he remarked. “I bought you something.”
Chad was astonished. He felt color rising in his cheeks. He looked down and saw that the thing that Han had bought him was an action figure of his character, Boba Fett. He actually already had this one; he obsessively collected anything that had to do with his hero. But that this guy had actually bought him something – he didn’t know what to say. “Thanks,” he breathed, feeling awkward and shy.
Han smiled. “You’re welcome. Come on; let’s see what else we can see.”
They wandered on, neither speaking, Chad clutching his new action figure tightly. “So what do you do out in the real world, Boba?” Han asked finally. “When you’re not chasing criminals around the galaxy, that is?”
“Oh. I work for a digital technologies company. I’m a typical computer geek.”
“Well, you’re surrounded by your peers here,” Han pointed out easily.
“What about you?”
“Han Solo, dashing rogue and smuggler, is a bartender with a heavy streak of geekiness in him, including an obsession with Star Wars.”
A bartender? That sounded pretty cool. Chad didn’t drink, so he’d never been to a bar before. He’d seen them in movies; of course…he cleared his throat. “Is it fun? Being a bartender?” he asked.
Han shrugged. “It’s a living. Sometimes it gets tiresome, when the drunks start getting rowdy.”
“Do you ever do fancy stuff? Like in Cocktail?”
That sent Han into whoops of laughter. “No offense, but that was the gayest movie ever! And this is a gay guy saying that,” he said when he could talk again. “Bartenders don’t juggle cocktail shakers to pop music, not unless they want to either have people laugh at them or beat the shit out of them. Even in the gay bar I work at. Although if I did it in a thong they might be pretty tolerant,” he added with a grin.
Chad gulped as a vision of Han wearing nothing but a thong flashed through his head. He suddenly felt extremely overheated in his costume. “Hey, there’s Cass! Leia I mean. And your friend,” he heard the other man say.
He looked where Han was pointing. He saw Derek standing with the Leia girl by another booth not far away. His friend had removed the stupid cheap helmet and was carrying it under his arm. He was staring down at the Princess like a man in a dream. “Umm, should we go over there?” he asked.
Han laughed. “Sure, why not? Let’s go over quietly and see what they’re talking about.”
They tried to move through the crowds quietly, which wasn’t easy. Chad was far too tall, and wearing far too much home-made armor, to sneak. But he did his best not to clank too much, and they drew nearer to Leia and Derek. The girl was saying impatiently: “Listen, Stormy, you’re about as charming as a rabid weasel. If you talk to all girls like this, it’s no wonder you don’t have a girlfriend. Hell, it’s a surprise that someone hasn’t kicked you in the balls yet. So if you want to keep your nads intact, I suggest you learn to be a little more charming and a little less like a creepy stalker who wriggled through girls’ bedroom windows at two a.m.”
Chad had never heard a girl talk so logically and reasonably to Derek before. His friend blinked, then said hesitantly: “Umm…you really don’t like it?”
The girl threw him an amused, disgusted look. “Making cracks about how you want to make me your slave girl just because I’m wearing this costume…it doesn’t fly, bud. Listen, a girl doesn’t just want some random guy to jump on her and slaver. She wants to know that he wants to get with her, but you shouldn’t make it clear that that’s ALL you care about. After all, you could just hire a hooker if all you want is to get laid; if you actually want a girlfriend, someone you can talk to as well as have sex with, you have to try harder.”
Derek looked sheepish. “Well, I don’t really know how to talk to girls,” he admitted.
“That’s clear,” she replied crisply. “But the thing is – you have a built-in topic of conversation here, Stormy. These girls are all geeks and fan girls. You can talk to them about Star Wars, if nothing else. Try actually talking to them, see what happens.”
Derek squirmed a bit. “Umm, can’t I just talk to you?” he asked. “Sort of a trial thing?”
Leia tilted her head. “Are you asking me to train you?” she said, looking like an amused little brown bird.
He nodded his head quickly, looking a little embarrassed. She laughed. “Okay, why not? Let’s go get something to eat and we’ll try just talking like normal people. Come on, Stormy,” she led him away, Derek ambling after her with his eyes fastened on her as though he were a giant puppy and she was his master.
Han turned to look at Chad. “Looks like our friends are getting along,” he said with a twinkle in his eyes.
“Yeah. I’ve never seen Derek act that way before around a girl.” Chad said in awe.
“Well, Cass can tame the wildest beast. Hey, do you want to go get something to drink? We can sit down somewhere and talk.”
Chad hesitated, thinking again that he didn’t want to show his face. But at last he said reluctantly: “Sure, okay.”
Han glanced at him questioningly, probably wondering about his reticence. But Chad didn’t say anything else, not wanting to admit why he didn’t want to get something to drink with the other man. At last Han moved toward the doors that led out of the big room, and Chad followed after him. They moved through the lobby until they found a vending machine that sold sodas and bottled water. Han produced some money from a belt pouch and bought them both some water. Then they found seats in the lobby, although Chad had to lean forward again because of the jet pack on his back.
He hesitated as Han opened his bottle. At last, though, he sighed and reached up to remove his helmet. It was now or never. He sat very still, waiting to see what Han would say when the other man saw his face.
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