Just Shy of Heaven
Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Chapter 9
Zander was horribly, terribly, hideously nervous. He was, in point of fact, the most nervous that he’d ever been in his entire LIFE! The reason for this was because he’d come to a decision - a huge, life-changing decision. After the last few days of letting Tobias touch him in increasingly intimate ways, Zander knew that he wanted more. Much more. He wanted Tobias to do other things to him…he wanted Tobias. That was the long and short of it.
But of course realizing this had thrown him into a state of near-panic. Even the thought of initiating sex with Tobias made him shake with terror. But he was totally sure that The Man in the Suit was far too honorable and kind to push Zander into having sex with him, no matter how much he might want it. So the ball was in Zander’s court; and he had to be the one to ask Tobias to have sex with him, even if making the request finished him off completely and left him a wreck of a human being.
He’d thought about it all morning at work as his fingers had automatically made the pastries and cakes. Several employees had asked him if he was getting sick or had a fever, he was sweating so much. But there was no way that he was going to tell anyone else what was wrong with him, so he’d lied and said that he wasn’t feeling well. Which was sort of true, anyway, since even thinking about asking Tobias to have sex with him made him sick to his stomach…
Finally work was done, and he’d hung up his apron on a hook by the back door and pulled on his light jacket. He ventured out to the curb where he knew that Tobias would be waiting to pick him up, and a huge herd of butterflies took flight inside of him when he saw the familiar red car and the handsome man leaning against the side of it. “Hi, Zander,” Tobias said to him. “Are you ready to go?”
“Y-yes,” he managed to get out, and saw The Man in the Suit frown a little at his returned stutter.
“Are you all right, Zander?” Tobias asked in concern, his slate-grey eyes studying his face intently.
No! No, he really wasn’t. His throat was threatening to close up. He couldn’t even manage to say anything reassuring, and his face was turning an alarming shade of red. Tobias stepped toward him, real worry in his eyes now. “Zander? What’s the matter? Please talk to me!”
He felt terrible about the fear springing up in those amazing eyes, knowing that it was his fault that it was there. Zander somehow managed to speak, though it took everything that he had to do so: “I-I…I w-wanted to…ask you…s-something,” he stuttered, his voice thick.
Tobias stopped in his tracks. Warily he said: “What? What is it? You aren’t…trying to break up with me, are you, Zander?”
He shook his head wildly. Tobias relaxed, letting out a breath that he’d obviously been holding. “Then what is it? What do you want to ask me?”
Zander wondered if his tongue was swelling up in his mouth. He shivered and hugged himself tightly, trying to find the courage he knew that he possessed. He stared down at the ground. The only way that he could speak was not to look at Tobias’ kind, handsome face. “I…l-like it when…y-you touch me,” he began softly.
Silence. Then Tobias remarked: “Yeah, I know that already. Do you want me to stop touching you, Zander? Is that it? Because I will if you want.”
“no,” he breathed, swallowing heavily. “I don’t…want you to…stop. I want you t-to…h-h-h-have…s-s-s-s-s-s…” he couldn’t get it out. He struggled desperately, but he just couldn’t say it! He was yelling at himself for being a coward inside of his own brain, but his tongue refused to form the words.
Hands touched his arms, making him jump. Tobias ran his hands gently down until he could take Zander’s into his own, twining their fingers together. “Zander, sweetness, listen to me,” Tobias said soothingly. “You don’t have to push yourself into anything that you’re uncomfortable with. I’m willing to take my time so that you’ll be totally ready when we take this relationship to the next level. You’re worth waiting for, Zander; you really are. I can be patient, so please don’t worry.”
He looked up then, into those warm grey eyes so full of tenderness and love that it made him want to cry. How sweet and amazing Tobias was! That look made him find his confidence and his courage both. “I don’t want to wait,” he said, amazed at how steady his voice was. “I want to be with you, Toby. I’m so tired of being afraid, and I’m really tried of letting my shyness dictate my life. Maybe I’ll never be totally free from it, but at least I want to try. And I want to try with you. So…would you please have sex with me?”
Tobias’ mouth had fallen open at this speech, and at the way that Zander’s chin had firmed up as he spoke. “Wow,” he aid when the baker fell silent, “You’re totally awesome, you know that? I know how much it must have cost you to say that. You’re really brave, Zander. And yes, I’d love to have sex with you…although really, what it will be is us making love. Do you want to come to my place and make love?”
He nodded silently. Tobias’ smiled. “Okay, just let me call and tell them that I’m sick and I won’t be coming back to work this afternoon. Get in the car and wait for me,” he made shooing motions with his hands, and Zander somehow found the strength to move across the concrete and over to Tobias’ car. He got into the passenger seat, automatically buckling on his seat belt as he watched Tobias pull out his cell phone and make a call on it.
Tobias got into the driver’s side. “All taken care of. It occurs to me that this is the first time that you’ll be seeing my place. I hope you like it,” he said as he started the engine.
Zander stood in Tobias’ apartment and looked around in awe, stunned by how big the place was and how beautiful it was as well. The furniture was about five steps up in quality than the thrift store stuff in his apartment, and the floor under his feet was waxed and polished hardwood. He was dazzled. Tobias turned to look at him. “What do you think?” he asked.
“It’s so pretty,” Zander breathed.
Tobias grinned faintly. “Pretty? Well, that’s one way to describe it, I suppose. I’m glad that you like it, Zander. Let me give you a tour,” he took Zander’s arm and led him around the apartment, making him gape at the huge kitchen with its stainless steel appliances and marble countertops. "Do you think you might like to bake in here, Zander?” Tobias asked.
He nodded, but tentatively. It would make him terribly nervous to bake in such a grand place. Tobias chuckled, squeezing his elbow. “Well, you’re welcome to at any time, Zander,” Tobias remarked. “Come on, let me show you the other rooms.” So he let himself be led docilely down a short hallway, and Tobias opened the door of a guest bedroom and a small bathroom. And then they were at the door of a large bedroom with a fancy bed in it. The headboard was black lacquer with art deco embellishments, and the covers were shiny and a soft silvery color. “This is my bedroom,” Tobias told him.
He gulped, looking up at Tobias out of a pair of wide eyes. Tobias’ lips lifted in the smallest of smiles, an expression that made his insides tie themselves into knots. “Zander,” he purred, and the sound of his voice, deep and dark, made the baker tremble.
He said nothing…but then, he didn’t need to. Tobias leaned down and claimed his lips in a gentle, tender kiss that reduced him to a pool of jell. Hands slid up and down his back, and one curled behind his neck to hold him in place as a tongue slid into his mouth. Zander moaned breathily, his fear forgotten. His arms came up around Tobias’ neck, holding on for dear life.
He felt dizzy and out-of-it when Tobias lifted his head. He yelped, startled, when Tobias picked him up bodily and carried him over to the bed. He found himself lying on that silken coverlet, as Tobias kneeled on the bed next to him and arranged his big body so that he could lean down and begin kissing Zander again. His hand slid under the t-shirt that the baker was wearing, gilding over his bare skin and finding one nipple. He took in the little gasp of shock and pleasure that Zander gave forth, drinking it in.
Lips sketched down his neck in a wet line. Zander found himself tilting his head up to get more of it, even as he shuddered faintly as Tobias’ fingertips lightly pinched and rubbed at his nipple. He was totally lost, far gone from the feel of lips and fingers on his skin. When the hand under his shirt began to urge it upward, he only arched his back to help divest himself of the garment. Tobias pulled it off over his head and tossed it away, and Zander blushed as hot eyes ran over his torso in a hungry cataloguing. His chest heaved as he struggled to breathe. Tobias’ eyes met his, and the other man never looked away as he bent his head and licked at the skin of Zander’s upper chest. He whimpered, his fingers closing in the fabric of the coverlet under him.
“Zander, you taste as sweet as your pastries,” Tobias purred against his skin, and he gasped at these words. Then Tobias’ lips found one of his pink nipples, and closed over it. He cried out, a choked sound, and grabbed at Tobias’ head with one of his hands. Not to keep him away, but to hold that wonderful mouth in place as sparks zinged from his sensitive nipple right down to his groin.
Zander forgot about his crippling shyness. How could he pay attention to that or anything else but the mouth skimming over his skin and tracing the muscles in his abdomen? Tobias was sliding off the bed, and his fingers had found the front of Zander’s jeans and were gilding over the bulge straining against the heavy fabric there. The baker pushed his hips upward to get more of that touch, remembering the other times that Tobias had touched him there so wonderfully. He made no demur when the fingers began to free him, or when the jeans were dragged off of his narrow hips along with his underwear.
Hot breath on his thigh, and a tongue tracing over the muscle. “Zander,” Tobias murmured, and he shivered as that breath stirred his pubic hair. “Looks good enough to eat,” he growled, and a dazed Zander wondered distantly what he was talking about.
He found out a moment later, and his eyes opened wide in shock as a hot, wet mouth closed over his penis and enveloped it. He cried out, arching up, thrashing wildly as Tobias’ mouth took him in. Oh, God! This was too good! He couldn’t see, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t do anything but react to this crazy pleasure. Hands cradled his hips and held him in place as Tobias continued to suck at him so sweetly, and poor Zander heard himself screaming as he came with a violent shudder into the orifice taking him in.
He fell back on the bed, annihilated. Tobias was licking him clean like a cat, and he whimpered softly as that tongue dragged over his oversensitive flesh. But then he sat up, and began to take off his clothes. Zander’s lidded eyes watched him dimly as The Man in the Suit shed that suit and revealed his naked body to Zander’s dazzled eyes. He was so beautiful, much like his home. So strong, like a carved statue. His gaze fastened on the erect cock at Tobias’ groin, seeing one besides his own up close and personal for the first time. He’d seen porn on the internet, of course…
Tobias draped himself on the bed nude next to Zander, reaching out to run his hand over the baker’s bare chest and belly. “Did you like that?” he asked, and Zander managed a small nod.
“Good. Because I loved doing it to you. And I want to do so many other things to you, too…” he leaned over and kissed Zander’s lips. “I’ll take my time, ’he said against them, “And make you feel so good that you won’t be able to stand it.”
He then began to do just as he’d said, and all Zander had to do was just lay there and let Tobias do all sorts of amazing thing’s. Tobias kissed every part of him, little butterfly kisses that he seemed to feel down to his toes. And his hands sketched all of Zander’s pale skin, making his nerves ignite. He quivered under those touches, his body a sounding board that Tobias was playing like a professional violinist. Tobias kissed his mouth for as long time, caressing him in tandem with his kisses. Zander forgot everything after awhile, even his own name. He became nothing but a creature of pleasure, responding to each of Tobias’ touches. He even did some touching of his own, nearly holding his breath as he felt the hard muscles and soft skin under his fingertips.
Somewhere in there, a slick finger wormed its way into his body. He might have tensed up at that touch, but he was too far gone to care. It seemed somehow natural, fitting in with all of those other lovely touches. And it moves in him slowly, preparing him with gentle care. He spread his legs and gave himself over to it, feeling his body beginning to relax and stretch around the pair of digits now sinking into it over and over.
Tobias’ free hand was on his cock, stroking it in time with his movements inside of Zander’s body. He trembled, laying back against the other man’s big body(he was held on Tobias’ lap by now, as the man held him from the back), and panting desperately as his body burned. Tobias’ mouth was kissing at his ear and nuzzling his neck. He whined, a small begging sound.
“Do you want something, Zander?” Tobias asked inch s ear.
“Yes,” he moaned.
A satisfied sound, then Tobias nipped at his earlobe. “Okay. I’m going to put myself inside of you now, Zander. It’ll hurt a little, but you just need to relax and take deep breaths. Everything will be all right.”
He knew that. And he trusted Tobias utterly. He lay back against the man’s big form as Tobias stretched out his arm and did some mysterious things, and then other strange things happened behind him. Then he felt hands arranging his body, and his eyes opened wide again as something bigger than the lovely fingers started pressing against the tender wrinkled skin of his anus. He made a small sound, but then his lips were captured by Tobias’ as the other man kissed him deeply, distracting him a bit from what was happening elsewhere. There was a small, sharp pain, and then pressure and a feeling of fullness as that something pushed up inside of him.
Slowly, achingly slowly, that thing found its way inside of him. Tobias sucked deep, long kisses from his mouth there entire time, and before he knew it he was full to the brim and he felt scratchy pubic hair pressed against his ass. “Mmm, feels so good,” Tobias murmured against his lips.
Zander wasn’t sure whether he liked it or not, but when Tobias remained still and let him adjust after awhile he decided that he liked it after all.
He wriggled, and Tobias got those silent message. Hands grasped his hips and began to move him, and Zander moaned helplessly as Tobias began to lift and lower him slowly but surely. So strange, but so very good…teeth nibbled at his neck and collarbones, heightening his feelings as it just went on and on. He was limp, totally in Tobias’ strong hands, lost in these new feelings. His legs quivered and trembled where they were draped over Tobias’ and his head fell back against his lover’s shoulder.
“Zaannndder,” Tobias groaned, the hands moving him faster now, “Oh, God. So tight. I don’t think…that I can…hold out much longer…”
He moaned lowly, feeling as though he was going to come but not quite able to. Tobias thrust up into him sharply, three or four times, then moaned himself and bucked a bit as he came. Zander felt the cock inside of him twitch and thump. It was being withdrawn, and he cried out a bit at the feeling of emptiness. Then Tobias was leaning over him, and that hot mouth found him again, and Zander heaved desperately and cried out in choked pleasure as he finally started coming and his semen erupted into that sucking moist heat uncontrollably…
He was done, spent, wrung out. He lay there, and strong arms pulled him up against a sweat-coated, naked body. A nose nuzzled his hair, and Tobias said hoarsely: “That was the best ever, Zander. I love making love with you.”
He murmured sleepily in agreement, barely conscious in the wake of a second intense orgasm in the space of an hour. Lips kissed his brow. “Sleep, baby,” Tobias told him, and he did. The last thing he was aware of was Tobias’ mouth on his in a sweet kiss, and he sighed in sated pleasure as sleep drew him under and took him away…
Zander moaned helplessly, his head falling back against Tobias’ shoulder. He was sitting in his lover’s lap, and The Man in the Suit was buried deeply inside of him. Fingertips tweaked his nipples, and a tongue traced the rim of his right ear. He shuddered, completely lost. “Zander,” he heard Tobias say huskily into his ear. “You feel so good.”
He quivered at these words, trembling as Tobias began to thrust up into him in small, incremental strokes. Hands roamed over his torso, caressing him so wonderfully…he put his own hands over them, locking their fingers together as he began to rock in Tobias’ lap. They moved together, the sounds they made harmonizing in the quiet bedroom. They were only aware of each other; Zander could feel the heat and hardness of Tobias’ chest against his back, and Tobias loved the feel of his skin sliding against the silky smooth skin of Zander’s back. He kissed the nape of his new lover’s neck, feeling Zander shiver and hearing the little whimper of pleasure this elicited.
So close…Zander’s mouth and eyes opened wide, though he stared blindly at the far wall as he felt that amazing wave of pleasure rising up inside of him once again. An animal sound was dragged from his mouth, and he bucked in Tobias’ lap as he began to come without even touching himself. His body went rigid and he shook as his orgasm ripped through him, and he heard a low groan behind him as Tobias succumbed at almost the same time as he did. Then he was slumping back, spent, his chest heaving as he struggled to breathe.
Tobias set his chin atop Zander’s head. “Wow,” he said dreamily. “Making love with you is the best thing ever, Zander.”
He agreed. He snuggled back against Tobias’ hard body, half-asleep already. He heard a soft laugh against his temple. “Why don’t you go to sleep, honey? I know you have to be up early for work tomorrow.”
Zander nodded a little, then moaned as Tobias slid out of him at last as this lover maneuvered him so that he was lying on his side in his bed. He blinked sleepily at Tobias, who had arranged himself so that he was lying right next to Zander. He smiled, reaching out to stroke the baker’s cheek with his fingertips.
Their quiet reverie was broken when an unhappy streak of striped lightning jumped on the bed and yowled at both of them. Zander lifted his head as Tobias sighed. “Bearclaw, you are a pest,” he told the cat, even as he reached out and scratched her ears. “I know you want attention, but I have to give it to your daddy first before I can pet you.”
Zander giggled, making Tobias smile as he chucked the cat under her furry chin. “She’s jealous because I’ve never had anybody in bed with me before,” he said.
Tobias nodded. I know. Which makes me very happy,” he added with a smile for Zander. “I like being your first.”
His cheeks heated a little, but the warm feeling in the pit of his stomach made up for any residual shyness he felt. “I’m glad that you were my first,” he replied simply.
Tobias pulled Bearclaw into his lap and began to make much of her. “I’ve wanted to ask you something for awhile, Zander,” he remarked as he ran a hand down the cat’s furry body.
“What is it?” he asked with a touch of anxiety.
Tobias looked down at him. “Have you always been this shy? I mean, your whole life? Or did something happen?”
Zander bit at his lower lip a little. “I was always shy,” he told Tobias softly, “But something happened when I was in the s-second grade, that made me so much worse…”
“What? Will you tell me about it?” Tobias asked him gently.
He half sat up, one arm hugging his torso protectively. “I w-was always shy,” he began, looking down at the sheet on his bed rather than looking at his lover. “S-so the other kids always picked on me. One day, on the playground…” he trailed off, his body stiffening.
A hand reached out and began to caress his neck and shoulders. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“N-no, I do,” he said. “There were these boys…from my class…t-they f-formed a ring around me one day and began to push me. T-They were chanting insults a-about me, and they just kept pushing…then t-they started h-hitting me, and I was so scared…”
“Oh, my poor Zander,” Tobias said sadly.
“A t-teacher finally came and broke them up, but a-after that I could barely t-talk at all. And I never w-wanted anyone to touch me.” Zander went on manfully.
Tobias pulled him up close against his body. “I’ll never hurt you, Zander; you know that,” he said as he kissed Zander’s temple.
“I know,” he said softly. “I trust you, Toby.”
“That’s the best gift I’ve ever gotten,” Tobias remarked in satisfaction. “And I’ve worked hard to earn it.”
Zander blinked up at him. “What?”
Tobias’ smile was crooked and self-deprecating. “I know you think I’m nice, Zander,” he told the baker, “But that’s because I had to work hard to be this way. Once upon a time, I was a total asshole.”
Zander’s expression of incredulity made him laugh wryly. “I know, it’s hard to believe. But it’s true, I swear. All I cared about was getting ahead, and I didn’t care who I stepped on to get there. I hurt people, and undermined them, and spread vicious rumors about them…anything to get to the top. I didn’t care how heartless I was, either; all I cared about was how much money I had and how successful I was at my job. I even used men for sex, rather than having an actual lover. I was pretty awful.”
Fascinated, Zander asked softly: “What happened? To make you change?”
“I had an epiphany one day. There was this older man who worked at our agency - he was one of the partners, he had a big house and a fast car and a mistress on the side - he seemed to have everything that I wanted too. One day he had a heart attack while at work, and almost died. When I went to his house to talk to him about some of our accounts, he was sitting out by his pool just staring at the water. He seemed listless, and he didn’t want to talk about the accounts. I finally got exasperated and snapped at him, and he just looked at me. He said: Mr. Mackenzie, I just don’t care. You want to know why? Because I’ve realized something. I spent my entire life at that agency, trying my damnedest to succeed. And you know what I have to show for it? Nothing. Sure, I’ve got money and ‘things’, but I have no life. My wife barely tolerates me, my mistress is only with me for what I can give her, my kids both hate me, and I have no real friends. And when I look at you, I see myself thirty years ago. One day you’re going to end up just like me - a man who has no one who loves him or really cares about him, who only has his job. And jobs don’t hold you, or comfort you, or keep you company. Jobs don’t keep you warn at night. There is no job worth destroying your entire life for, Mackenzie. I hope that you won’t end up like me, but with the road you’re on, I can’t see any other destination for you. And that’s just sad.”
Tobias paused, a sad look on his face. “When he said that to me, it stunned me. I’d never thought about the way I was. But when I took a good look in the mirror, I realized how little I liked myself or the way I was. I decided that I wasn’t going to end up like him. So I changed my entire life. It wasn’t easy; and it took a lot of years of work, but…it was worth it. Definitely worth it,” his smile was dazzling as he said this, and he reached out to pull Zander in close and cuddle him. “Because I know that my old self wouldn’t have had the patience or kindness to deal with your shyness, Zander. The old me would have walked right past you, and he would have only felt impatience when you struggled with your handicap. He wouldn’t have looked beyond himself enough to see the person lurking behind your walls, or have wanted to spend the time to get to know you. He was a fool,” Tobias said scornfully, “But I’m not. I know a good thing when I see it.” he nuzzled his nose into Zander’s hair, tenderly. “You know, I think I fell in love with you at that coffee shop, Zander. You were so adorable - turning red and stuttering, but trying to talk to me with those big eyes of yours at the same time. I was hooked from then on in.”
He felt that warmth again, welling up in him like a tidal wave. “Toby,” he murmured, turning so that he could press himself close to his lover. He laid his head on Tobias’ shoulder. “I fell in love with you when you first started coming into the bakery. I would come out every morning just to see you get coffee, and it made me happy to be able to see you so often. It was the best part of my day, to see your face and hear your voice.”
Tobias put his arms around Zander and held him close. “I’m glad to have made your day, Zander,” he murmured. “Because now you make MY day. Every day I wake up thinking ‘today I get to see Zander again’, and I’m so happy I can barely stand it. But you know…if I got to come home to you every night, my days would be even better. What I’m saying is…would you and Bearclaw move in with me, Zander? Please?”
His eyes had flown open, and he sat up as he searched Tobias’ face. “Are you sure?” he asked uncertainly.
Tobias lifted a hand to run a finger along his lower lip. “Yes, I’m sure,” he replied readily. “I can’t wait, in fact.”
“But… I have to get up really early every morning,” Zander pointed out.
“That’s okay. I’m a deep sleeper. You won’t wake me up - or if you do, I’ll just go right back to sleep. And you could give me a kiss before you go out the door to work…I’d like that,” he said happily.
Zander felt a rising tide of pleasure, though this was more emotional in nature than physical. “If you’re sure…” he began shyly.
Tobias kissed him. “Oh, I’m sure,” he replied fervently. “I’ve never been more sure about anything else in my entire life. So will you and Bearclaw come and live with me?”
Zander found that he wasn’t feeling shy right now at all. He knew exactly what he wanted - and that was to be with the man currently holding him in his arms. “Yes,” he said firmly, “We’ll come and live with you, Toby.”
A satisfied sound. “I finally got the reward for all my hard work,” Tobias said happily as he ran his hands down Zander’s bare back possessively. “And it’s the best reward EVER! I get sweet things whenever I want them, baked by the sweetest thing of all. I’m the luckiest guy in the whole world.”
Zander found himself smiling at Tobias’ words. “No, I am,” he replied, looking into his lover’s eyes.
Tobias grinned. “We both are. Now, let’s celebrate our good luck. I know you’re going to be tired in the morning, but…”
Zander wound his arms around Tobias’ neck. “I’ll live,” he said simply, then lost all ability to talk as Tobias pressed him down onto the bed and began the celebration of their new life together with a kiss…
The End