Chapter 4
If someone had hit him briskly on the side of the head with a tack hammer, Sebastian couldn’t have been any more stunned. He just sat there, gapping at Eli, seeing the stubborn set to his mouth. His agent met his eyes in a direct stare, like a laser. Those eyes demanded answers, answers which he didn’t want to give. But if he lied, or said nothing…then Eli would leave! And he’d never come back! He began to panic a little.
“I…” he croaked, his brain desperately searching for a way out of this predicament. “Why would you even ask me that?” he said, trying to divert Eli.
Nothing doing. “Answer the question, Sebastian,” Eli snapped. “Now.”
The photographer opened his mouth, but was relieved when his assistant appeared just then with his cup of coffee. He seized it from her and took a long drink, to have something to do with his mouth other than talking. But Eli turned to the girl with a polite smile. “Carrie? Could you give us a second? There’s something really important that I need to discuss with Sebastian in private.”
“Of course, Mr. Drake,” the girl replied, leaving promptly.
The photographer glared after his traitorous assistant, but his gaze skittered back to Eli’s face when the agent cleared his throat elaborately. “I asked you a question. I want you to answer it, Sebastian,” he said implacably.
There was nowhere for him to run, and nowhere to hide. No way out of this predicament. He was trapped…Sebastian lifted his chin and met Eli’s eyes head on. “So what if I do?” he sneered. “It’s none of your business, Eli. You’re just my agent.”
Eli blew out a long breath through his nose. “Yes, you’re right,” he agreed. “I am just your agent. Thank you for putting that into perspective for me, Sebastian.”
The photographer felt his panic deepening. If Eli took offense over what he’d said, would he ever have a chance with the man? “Fuck it,” he growled, tugging at his hair with both hands. “You’re NOT just my agent, Eli. Damn it, I think I’ve been in love with you for over a year now!”
Silence. He felt sick at his own stupidity. Groaning, he set his hands over his face to shut out the sight of the expression on Eli’s at his words. From one extreme to another! God, somebody just hit him in the head with that hammer and be done with it!
“You’re in love with me,” Eli repeated, making him want to whimper.
“Yes,” he sighed, not trying to deny it or take it back now. There was no point.
“I see,” Eli’s voice was almost completely devoid of emotion. Sebastian’s shoulders tensed. Here it came…the big brush off, Eli telling him that he didn’t have a chance, the end of any hope that he had of winning the man’s affections…
“I don’t know what to say, Sebastian,” Eli went on quietly.
“Sure you do,” the photographer said, lowering his hands. “Just say - ‘you have more chance of getting together with Brad Pitt than you do with me’ - and get it over with. Put me out of my misery.”
Eli frowned at him. “Don’t put words in my mouth, please,” he replied sharply. “The truth is, I’ve never once thought about you as a potential boyfriend. Why would I? You’ve always been a player before this, running around chasing tail every night. But now…when’s the last time that you had sex, Sebastian?”
He shrugged tensely. “I don’t know. Eight months? A little more?”
Eli shook his head. “I actually believe you,” he said in amazement. “And you gave up casual sex because of me, right?”
“Yes,” Sebastian said tightly. “I was thinking of asking you out, and I knew you’d never stand for me running around on you. But then…you met David Hale.”
“Yes, I did. And that’s why you started drinking heavily, isn’t it? Because I was going out with Dave and it looked like we were getting really serious.”
The photographer rubbed at his face with one hand. “That’s right. I couldn’t stand to watch it. I thought I didn’t have a chance with you anymore, and I couldn’t take that. So I drowned my sorrows in alcohol. Not that it ever really helped, but…I was just so miserable that I couldn’t stand it.”
Eli sighed, lowering his eyelids a little. “This is just so out of left field,” he mused. “I didn’t have any idea that you were interested in me.”
“I tried hard to make sure that you didn’t know,” Sebastian told him. “Because what would have been the point? You were happy with Captain America…or so I thought. Why would I try to get in between the two of you? Besides, I was pretty sure that I’d lose if I tried that, anyway.”
“You probably would have, yes,” Eli agreed. He paused, looking down at the coffee cup that he was slowly turning in his fingers. “But now…I just don’t know. I’m not sure what to do about this.”
Sebastian wanted to growl. “This is exactly why I didn’t want you to know,” he hissed angrily. “I wanted to give you time to get over breaking up with that David guy. I didn’t just want to dump this on you and throw you. But you just HAD to know, didn’t you?” he said, giving his agent an unpleasant look. He was not a happy camper right now, and it was all Eli’s fault…
The agent sighed, massaging the area between his eyebrows with his fingertips. “You’re right,” he said, taking Sebastian aback. “I shouldn’t have pushed you about it like this. I should have just watched you and come to my own conclusions, not forced you to confess to me before you were ready. I’m sorry, Sebastian.”
He was silent, not sure what to say to this. But after a moment, the silence became too uncomfortable for him. “Do you…ever think that you could…handle the idea of going out with me?” he asked between clenched teeth, waiting for the final blow to fall.
Eli stared at him, and Sebastian felt his heart sinking. Here it came, the death of all of his hopes and dreams. Eli would say ’no’, and he’d never be the same again…
“I don’t know,” the agent said slowly, “I’m not sure. I’m used to thinking of you as a friend, Sebastian, as well as a client. But not boyfriend material. I need time to think this over.”
Sebastian’s heart was hammering in his chest. “I know that. Why do you think that I haven’t said anything, even though it’s been over a month since you split with Captain America? I know you need time. All that I ask is that you think about it.”
Eli nodded. “I will,” he said seriously. “I promise, Sebastian.”
He felt lighter than he had in almost a year. Sure, Eli might decide that they wouldn’t suit each other, but at least he was thinking about it! He grinned, looking younger than normal. “Thanks, Eli. I appreciate the fact that you’re even willing to think about it,” he said happily.
The agent’s brows shot up when Sebastian smiled. It was such an unexpected expression that it stunned him. He wasn’t sure that he’d ever seen the photographer smile before this, or if he had they had been more sardonic grimaces than smiles. He was seeing a whole new side of Sebastian Versang, and he was apparently seeing it because the man was in love with him. He wasn’t sure what to think about that. He really, REALLY needed to do a lot of thinking, and soon…
“Thanks for calling me, Eli,” David Hale said, smiling at him across the table. ‘Though I’m kind of surprised that you called me so soon after we broke up…”
Eli shrugged. “I really needed someone to talk to,” he replied simply. “And one of the things that I’ve always liked about you is that I can talk to you about anything .You give me really good advice. And I could use some,” he added with a grimace.
“About what? What’s wrong?” David asked him keenly, studying his face.
“It’s about…Sebastian,” Eli began slowly. He hesitated, then went on: “Turns out he’s in love with me, Dave.”
Startled silence. David was gaping at him. “No way,” he said when he could speak again.
Eli nodded ruefully. “Yes, way. He told me so himself, after I confronted him about the way he’s been acting lately. I’m afraid that I forced him into confessing how he feels about me, which I probably shouldn’t have done. And I guess what he said makes sense…he hasn’t slept with anyone else for over eight months,” he said bluntly. “All because of me.”
David’s look of incredulity deepened. “That doesn’t seem possible,” he remarked.
“I know it doesn’t. But I actually believed him when he told me that. And he started drinking heavily while we were together, but once you broke up with me he just…stopped. Cold turkey. And he’s nice - well, for him anyway - to his assistant just because I asked him to be. Where someone like Sebastian is concerned, that could actually be love. And I don’t know quite what to do about him being in love with me. I really don’t.”
“I should think it would be simple,” David replied. “At the heart of the matter is the question: How do you feel about him? And could you ever see yourself returning his feelings? If the answer to that second question is no, let him down easy and don’t worry about it anymore. But if the answer might be yes, then you really have to revaluate things and decide if it would be strong enough for you to form a relationship with him.”
He sipped at his glass of wine, thinking hard. “I like Sebastian,” he began slowly, “I always have. Sure he’s a surly, horrible person with a terrible personality. But I don’t know….I’ve always liked him anyway, I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because he’s so talented. Maybe it’s because I appreciate the way he torments his clients, because I’ve always thought the same thing about them and haven’t had the guts to say it myself. I don’t know…”
“Maybe it’s because he’s the complete opposite of you, and that’s what you need,” David said bluntly, making Eli glance up at him in surprise. “That’s why we didn’t work, Eli, because we’re too much alike. So maybe you should try something different. In Sebastian’s case, REALLY different. Maybe you two won’t work out, but how will you know one way or the other if you don’t try? The real question is - do you want to try, Eli?”
His sober question made the agent’s fingers tighten on his wine glass. “I don’t know,” he replied. “It’s too soon since we broke up. I’m not ready…”
“Then wait until you ARE ready, and decide,” David said reasonably. “I’m sure he’ll wait for you. He already has, hasn’t he?”
“Yes. He didn’t say anything when I was dating you, or even afterward. Which is amazing for him…”
“He’s smart enough to know to give you time,” David remarked. “Which I have to give him points for. And since he is, take that time and figure out what you really want.”
“You’re right. I’ll do that,” Eli said. “Thanks, Dave.”
“Hey, I’m just glad to be able to help, especially where your love life is concerned. Since I’m the reason that you don’t have one right now…”
Eli waved this away. “Don’t let it bother you. You were right, Dave. We don’t suit each other because we’re too much alike. Maybe it really is time for something completely different.”
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