A/N: Damn, we got a blizzard. One day its 65 and sunny, and the next day we get socked in by a foot of snow! And its only 10 degrees outside. Ah, global warming is so nice...anyhoo, make your cold author feel better by reviewing? Thanks - DL
Chapter 7
After a moment’s silence, Xavier asked quietly: “Are you going to explain that statement, Jazz?”
He sighed, turning a little so that he could move deeper into Xavier’s strong embrace. Usually he hated being cuddled and pampered like a little kid, but right now he needed to be comforted. Because he was about to face his own painful past, and bare his soul to someone for the first time since his heart had been broken. He hadn’t even told Basil or any of his other friends the story that he was about to tell Xavier…
“When I started college,” he began, feeling a lump rising in his throat, “I met a guy. His name was Ryan, and he was the most charming, handsome, amazing gay guy that I’d ever met. Back then, I was shy and awkward and really unsure of myself. I’d never even had a boyfriend in high school, and I was completely blown away by Ryan. I couldn’t BELIEVE that a sophisticated city boy like him wanted somebody like me. I was fresh off the train from Nebraska…”
“You’re from Nebraska?!” Xavier exclaimed.
He giggled a little at the incredulity in the other man’s voice. “That’s right. I come from where the corn is as high as an elephant’s eye. I think I’ve done a pretty good job assimilating, haven’t I?”
“Yeah, you did. I never would have imagined that you weren’t a native New Yorker,” Xavier replied, making him preen a bit.
“Anyway, Ryan WAS a native New Yorker, and he showed me around the city and basically seduced me. I was so in love! I had all of these silly romantic ideas about how we’d spend the rest of our lives together, and become New York’s premiere gay couple of fashion - Ryan was studying fashion design, too - who everybody looked to see what to wear and where to wear it. I had stars in my eyes; I was completely dazzled.”
He trailed off, and Xavier’s hand slid down his back. “I take it that he wasn’t all that you thought he was?”
Jazz’s laugh was sardonic. “Oh, he was more than I thought he was, and not in a good way. We’d been dating for about six months, and we were still in the honeymoon phase - or I was anyway - when I started getting sick to my stomach. I was nauseous, and my muscles kinds of hurt, and I would have this burning sensation when I peed sometimes…”
“Uh-oh,” Xavier remarked.
Jazz nodded against his shoulder. “Uh huh. I went to the university clinic to get checked out, because I thought I had an infection or something. It was something, all right. Actually, it was TWO somethings…”
“Two?” Xavier said, his hands tightening on Jazz’s slender body.
A cracked laugh. “Yeah, two. Turns out I had a good case of the clap, AND syphilis for good measure. I’d never slept with anybody but Ryan. Ever. I started crying right there in the clinic, and they had to give me a mild sedative. I just couldn’t believe that he’d…and dear God, not only was he fucking around on me, he was having unprotected sex! He could have given me AIDS!” his voice was rising, and he fell silent so that he didn’t sound like a shrill, hysterical person.
Xavier’s hand cupped the back of his neck. “Jazz, you had every right to be upset. What he did to you was appalling. Hell, at least Danny used condoms when he screwed around on me. You’re absolutely right - he could have given you AIDS. This goes beyond just being a shitty boyfriend. If I’d been there, I would have stomped him into a little blob for you. A smear on the sidewalk,” his voice had gone rather deep and growling, and Jazz shivered. NOT in fear.
“I wish you’d been there, too,” he whispered. “I would have liked to have seen that. Instead, I had to go and tell Ryan that he needed to be checked out at the clinic, that he might have more than one venereal disease. Even then, he tried to lie to me. To charm me. To pretend that everything was okay. I hated him SO MUCH for that! Almost as much as I did for cheating on me and giving me two different forms of VD. This is the guy who’d told me that he loved me, that I was everything to him. How could I ever trust anyone after that? I figured that sleeping around was better - at least that way, I could get what I wanted without having to worry about trusting anybody again. Sex without strings, without dating, without a relationship…it was just easier, that’s all. Easier and better.”
“Easier, yes,” Xavier agreed, his fingers stroking the nape of Jazz’s neck. “But NOT better. Jazz, do you remember what it was like in the good times? Before you found out that he was a cheating bastard? Wasn’t being with him the best thing that had ever happened to you?”
He closed his lips tightly to keep in the sob that threatened to escape him. “Maybe,” he husked between his teeth, “But it wasn’t worth the pain I went through.”
“I disagree,” Xavier replied somberly, “Though you shouldn’t have had to go through that. Listen, Jazz, we both have a big problem. We can’t trust anybody anymore because we were hurt. But do you really want to go through the rest of your life mistrusting everyone, and refusing to try to love again just because one person hurt you? Do you want to die an old man, alone and miserable, with only a whole life of meaningless sexual encounters to look back on? Because I’m pretty sure that that’s not something I want to do. And if you don’t want that either…maybe we could learn to trust again with each other. What do you say?”
Silence. Jazz gnawed at his full lower lip, shading his eyes with his long eyelashes. “How can I be certain?” he whispered at last. “How can I know that you won’t hurt me too?”
“You can’t,” Xavier replied calmly. “I could tell you that you can trust me until I’m blue in the face, but you’d have no reason to believe me and I can’t prove that to you. But whatever it takes for you to learn to trust me, even if you have to hire a team of private investigators to follow me around 24/7 to make sure that I’m not cheating on you…I wouldn’t mind that, if it’d help you to see that I’m not like that scumbag ex-boyfriend of yours.”
Jazz blinked away the tears matting his eyelashes together. “That seems kind of silly,” he remarked doubtfully.
Xavier’s lips lifted in a slight smile. “Maybe. But whatever you want, Jazz. Whatever helps you. I don’t mind.”
Jazz wiped at his eyes. “What about you? How will you learn to trust me?” he asked doubtfully.
“Actually, it’s not so much a trust issue where you’re concerned, Jazz, since you seem pretty open and honest to me. I think what I need is to know that you can control yourself, and that you won’t jump into any bed because you’ve gone a few days without sex. I sometimes have to travel, and I’d like to know I can come home to a guy who isn’t picking up random men on the street just because I was away for a few weeks.”
Jazz looked indignant, a sight that was especially cute on his tear-ravaged, reddened face. “I wouldn’t! Well, maybe I might…” he said doubtfully. “How would I prove to you that you can trust me not to do that?”
“Well, remember that month of no sex I proposed?” Xavier began.
“Oh, hell, no!” Jazz wriggled on his lap, intent on getting off.
Xavier’s strong arms held him in place effortlessly. “I know a month is too long for you, Jazz. How about two weeks?”
He frowned petulantly, sticking out his lower lip a little. Xavier considered that pink expense, and his eyes darkened to a shade that was near granite. Fortunately, Jazz wasn’t looking at him at the moment. “Well, I suppose since you’re willing to do anything you have to to make sure that I know you’re not being unfaithful…I could go without sex for two weeks,” Jazz began reluctantly at last.
“Are you sure? I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to.”
Jazz sighed. “And if I don’t do it? Would you sleep with me?” he asked.
It was Xavier’s turn to sigh. “I don’t think so. I have my emotional problems, just like you do. Besides, I’m just not the type of person who could stand sharing his man with somebody else. If we get together, Jazz, you can’t cheat on me. If you ever did, it would be over.”
Jazz poked him in his broad chest with a finger. “Fine, I’ll do it. But if you ever cheat on me, buddy boy, we’re done. And don’t be surprised if shady-looking guys start trailing you around, either,” he sniffed.
Xavier laughed. He pulled Jazz in for a deep kiss, and he moaned as their tongues mated together. He clung to Xavier’s broad shoulders, lost in the best kiss he’d ever received in his entire life. He panted languidly, leaning against Xavier, as their mouths finally parted. “Wow,” he breathed.
“Yeah,” Xavier agreed. “We’ll go out to dinner tonight.”
Jazz blinked. “What?”
“I thought we could start dating during your two weeks of no sex. Get to know each other better before we start doing the wild thing together.”
“Oh. It’s been so long since I’ve been on a date…Ryan and I didn’t date much before we hooked up, and after that…well, I guess I’ve never really been on a real date.”
“It’s not that difficult. We both dress up nice, I take you out to eat, we talk. Then I leave you on your doorstep with a chaste kiss.”
“That sounds good…except for the chaste kiss part,” Jazz remarked with a slight pout.
Xavier leaned in close to his ear, so that his hot breath tickled it and made him shiver helplessly. “I promise, Jazz, that if you’re a good boy and you manage to get through two weeks without sleeping with anybody, you’ll get MUCH more than a chaste kiss from me. I’ll make you scream so loud, they‘ll hear it in Brooklyn…”
He shuddered. Dear God! Two weeks was an eternity, but the thought of the kind of hot, animalistic, amazing sex that he would have with Xavier if he could make it through…that was definitely enough of an incentive, even for an unrepentant slut like him. He could do this! Couldn’t he?
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Chapter 7
After a moment’s silence, Xavier asked quietly: “Are you going to explain that statement, Jazz?”
He sighed, turning a little so that he could move deeper into Xavier’s strong embrace. Usually he hated being cuddled and pampered like a little kid, but right now he needed to be comforted. Because he was about to face his own painful past, and bare his soul to someone for the first time since his heart had been broken. He hadn’t even told Basil or any of his other friends the story that he was about to tell Xavier…
“When I started college,” he began, feeling a lump rising in his throat, “I met a guy. His name was Ryan, and he was the most charming, handsome, amazing gay guy that I’d ever met. Back then, I was shy and awkward and really unsure of myself. I’d never even had a boyfriend in high school, and I was completely blown away by Ryan. I couldn’t BELIEVE that a sophisticated city boy like him wanted somebody like me. I was fresh off the train from Nebraska…”
“You’re from Nebraska?!” Xavier exclaimed.
He giggled a little at the incredulity in the other man’s voice. “That’s right. I come from where the corn is as high as an elephant’s eye. I think I’ve done a pretty good job assimilating, haven’t I?”
“Yeah, you did. I never would have imagined that you weren’t a native New Yorker,” Xavier replied, making him preen a bit.
“Anyway, Ryan WAS a native New Yorker, and he showed me around the city and basically seduced me. I was so in love! I had all of these silly romantic ideas about how we’d spend the rest of our lives together, and become New York’s premiere gay couple of fashion - Ryan was studying fashion design, too - who everybody looked to see what to wear and where to wear it. I had stars in my eyes; I was completely dazzled.”
He trailed off, and Xavier’s hand slid down his back. “I take it that he wasn’t all that you thought he was?”
Jazz’s laugh was sardonic. “Oh, he was more than I thought he was, and not in a good way. We’d been dating for about six months, and we were still in the honeymoon phase - or I was anyway - when I started getting sick to my stomach. I was nauseous, and my muscles kinds of hurt, and I would have this burning sensation when I peed sometimes…”
“Uh-oh,” Xavier remarked.
Jazz nodded against his shoulder. “Uh huh. I went to the university clinic to get checked out, because I thought I had an infection or something. It was something, all right. Actually, it was TWO somethings…”
“Two?” Xavier said, his hands tightening on Jazz’s slender body.
A cracked laugh. “Yeah, two. Turns out I had a good case of the clap, AND syphilis for good measure. I’d never slept with anybody but Ryan. Ever. I started crying right there in the clinic, and they had to give me a mild sedative. I just couldn’t believe that he’d…and dear God, not only was he fucking around on me, he was having unprotected sex! He could have given me AIDS!” his voice was rising, and he fell silent so that he didn’t sound like a shrill, hysterical person.
Xavier’s hand cupped the back of his neck. “Jazz, you had every right to be upset. What he did to you was appalling. Hell, at least Danny used condoms when he screwed around on me. You’re absolutely right - he could have given you AIDS. This goes beyond just being a shitty boyfriend. If I’d been there, I would have stomped him into a little blob for you. A smear on the sidewalk,” his voice had gone rather deep and growling, and Jazz shivered. NOT in fear.
“I wish you’d been there, too,” he whispered. “I would have liked to have seen that. Instead, I had to go and tell Ryan that he needed to be checked out at the clinic, that he might have more than one venereal disease. Even then, he tried to lie to me. To charm me. To pretend that everything was okay. I hated him SO MUCH for that! Almost as much as I did for cheating on me and giving me two different forms of VD. This is the guy who’d told me that he loved me, that I was everything to him. How could I ever trust anyone after that? I figured that sleeping around was better - at least that way, I could get what I wanted without having to worry about trusting anybody again. Sex without strings, without dating, without a relationship…it was just easier, that’s all. Easier and better.”
“Easier, yes,” Xavier agreed, his fingers stroking the nape of Jazz’s neck. “But NOT better. Jazz, do you remember what it was like in the good times? Before you found out that he was a cheating bastard? Wasn’t being with him the best thing that had ever happened to you?”
He closed his lips tightly to keep in the sob that threatened to escape him. “Maybe,” he husked between his teeth, “But it wasn’t worth the pain I went through.”
“I disagree,” Xavier replied somberly, “Though you shouldn’t have had to go through that. Listen, Jazz, we both have a big problem. We can’t trust anybody anymore because we were hurt. But do you really want to go through the rest of your life mistrusting everyone, and refusing to try to love again just because one person hurt you? Do you want to die an old man, alone and miserable, with only a whole life of meaningless sexual encounters to look back on? Because I’m pretty sure that that’s not something I want to do. And if you don’t want that either…maybe we could learn to trust again with each other. What do you say?”
Silence. Jazz gnawed at his full lower lip, shading his eyes with his long eyelashes. “How can I be certain?” he whispered at last. “How can I know that you won’t hurt me too?”
“You can’t,” Xavier replied calmly. “I could tell you that you can trust me until I’m blue in the face, but you’d have no reason to believe me and I can’t prove that to you. But whatever it takes for you to learn to trust me, even if you have to hire a team of private investigators to follow me around 24/7 to make sure that I’m not cheating on you…I wouldn’t mind that, if it’d help you to see that I’m not like that scumbag ex-boyfriend of yours.”
Jazz blinked away the tears matting his eyelashes together. “That seems kind of silly,” he remarked doubtfully.
Xavier’s lips lifted in a slight smile. “Maybe. But whatever you want, Jazz. Whatever helps you. I don’t mind.”
Jazz wiped at his eyes. “What about you? How will you learn to trust me?” he asked doubtfully.
“Actually, it’s not so much a trust issue where you’re concerned, Jazz, since you seem pretty open and honest to me. I think what I need is to know that you can control yourself, and that you won’t jump into any bed because you’ve gone a few days without sex. I sometimes have to travel, and I’d like to know I can come home to a guy who isn’t picking up random men on the street just because I was away for a few weeks.”
Jazz looked indignant, a sight that was especially cute on his tear-ravaged, reddened face. “I wouldn’t! Well, maybe I might…” he said doubtfully. “How would I prove to you that you can trust me not to do that?”
“Well, remember that month of no sex I proposed?” Xavier began.
“Oh, hell, no!” Jazz wriggled on his lap, intent on getting off.
Xavier’s strong arms held him in place effortlessly. “I know a month is too long for you, Jazz. How about two weeks?”
He frowned petulantly, sticking out his lower lip a little. Xavier considered that pink expense, and his eyes darkened to a shade that was near granite. Fortunately, Jazz wasn’t looking at him at the moment. “Well, I suppose since you’re willing to do anything you have to to make sure that I know you’re not being unfaithful…I could go without sex for two weeks,” Jazz began reluctantly at last.
“Are you sure? I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to.”
Jazz sighed. “And if I don’t do it? Would you sleep with me?” he asked.
It was Xavier’s turn to sigh. “I don’t think so. I have my emotional problems, just like you do. Besides, I’m just not the type of person who could stand sharing his man with somebody else. If we get together, Jazz, you can’t cheat on me. If you ever did, it would be over.”
Jazz poked him in his broad chest with a finger. “Fine, I’ll do it. But if you ever cheat on me, buddy boy, we’re done. And don’t be surprised if shady-looking guys start trailing you around, either,” he sniffed.
Xavier laughed. He pulled Jazz in for a deep kiss, and he moaned as their tongues mated together. He clung to Xavier’s broad shoulders, lost in the best kiss he’d ever received in his entire life. He panted languidly, leaning against Xavier, as their mouths finally parted. “Wow,” he breathed.
“Yeah,” Xavier agreed. “We’ll go out to dinner tonight.”
Jazz blinked. “What?”
“I thought we could start dating during your two weeks of no sex. Get to know each other better before we start doing the wild thing together.”
“Oh. It’s been so long since I’ve been on a date…Ryan and I didn’t date much before we hooked up, and after that…well, I guess I’ve never really been on a real date.”
“It’s not that difficult. We both dress up nice, I take you out to eat, we talk. Then I leave you on your doorstep with a chaste kiss.”
“That sounds good…except for the chaste kiss part,” Jazz remarked with a slight pout.
Xavier leaned in close to his ear, so that his hot breath tickled it and made him shiver helplessly. “I promise, Jazz, that if you’re a good boy and you manage to get through two weeks without sleeping with anybody, you’ll get MUCH more than a chaste kiss from me. I’ll make you scream so loud, they‘ll hear it in Brooklyn…”
He shuddered. Dear God! Two weeks was an eternity, but the thought of the kind of hot, animalistic, amazing sex that he would have with Xavier if he could make it through…that was definitely enough of an incentive, even for an unrepentant slut like him. He could do this! Couldn’t he?
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